A coaching client presented an intesting dilema when she came to see me this week. She wanted to work through some strategies that would enable her not to bring home the emotion turmoil that she experienced at work.
She described her day: As a fairly large cog in the wheel of her organisation, she found her job mostly routine. However, every so often there would be an emergency that demanded immediate action. She would devote this issue her undivided attention at the exclusion of everything else (including her personal / home responsibilities). On nearly every occasion, she would rise to the challenge and deliver on time to a high standard.
The problem was, she could never anticipate when these emergencies would occur. Sometimes, she would go a whole week without; at other times, she would have two or three in the same week; during a particularly difficult patch, she experienced four emergencies on the same day.
We established that her performance did not suffer when she was required to respond to these issues. It was her emotional response that my client was concerned about. During emergencies she would feel that addrenalin rush, a sense of excitement mixed with anxiety. Afterwards, she would feel superior. This last emotion was linked to the fact that she has a colleague who is constantly seeking to undermine her.
During the quieter periods, my client initial feels relief and calm. But then she starts to feel increasingly uneasy, as she waiting for the next emergency to land on her desk. She constantly thinks about might be coming around the corner, and hoping that it won't "catch her out". Again, it was clear that the undermining colleague's actions were having an impact on my client.
In essence, my client was describing an emotional rollercoaster. And it wasn't a surprise that this was having an effect on her personal life.
We discussed how great it was when she was at the peak of the experience: an exhilarating happiness. But this state did not last, and the feeling of anxiety would take over. We went to discuss what it meant to feel an enduring sense of contentment (as opposed to alternating highs and lows): Those who experience the extreme happiness are also more likely to feel the depths of despair and unhappiness. Those who are generally content are able to celebrate their successes and cry when they have reasons to; they express their emotions within a moderate range that leads to demonstrates good mental health. My client felt that a strategy that would lead her to achieve contentment was worth defining.
We identified that the two key reasons for her current emotional state: the unpredictabiity of her work; and her colleague who undermines her. My client believed that she could achieve emotional stability by removing one of these factors and we worked through this in our session.
As my client was heading out the door, she turned to me and said: "Although I believe that working towards being emotional contentment will make me a better mother & wife; I just can't imagine a life without drama....." An intestesting observation, and one that we'll tackle in our next session. But how many people are willing to give up the drama in their lives? Could you?
Showing posts with label coaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coaching. Show all posts
Friday, 5 February 2010
Friday, 4 December 2009
Reflections on my first year in business: Part 1
It's almost a year since I set myself up as a HR Consultant and Coaching Pscyhologist. As always, I am reflecting back on the year, and in particular thinking about those individuals who have supported me.
To provide some context, I have to say that I have had an extremely successful year. I have more than doubled my projected turnover. Earlier this year, I increased my availability as I was getting more offers of work than I could possibly take on. As I write, I find myself facing the same situation again. I feel lucky that I'm in a position, in the middle of recession, to be able to turn down work.
I couldn't have acheived this without a good friend of mine. I first met him when I worked with him a few years ago. He found me when I was burnt-out and jaded. He gave me two key pieces of advice: Leave your job and go free-lance. And get some more qualifications.
At the time I said "I'm pregnant (with my second child), I'm moving house and I just want some stability". He silently nodded, but over the next few months, he doggedly pestered me about putting his advice into practice. Each time we met, he would find an excuse to give me some practical lessons on how to run a consultancy. He taught me about pricing, contract management etc. I kept saying to him "I'll think about it when I go on Maternity Leave", but I was interested and I did listen to him.
Before my maternity leave had finished, I had started a Masters Degree in Coaching Pyschology. I had found some "spare" time and had undertaken some consultancy work. I left my old job and haven't looked back.
During this year, the two Directors at Consulting at 216 (www.consultingat216.com) have given me tremendous support. I have known both of them for years, but our relationship has changed as I now work as a Associate for this consultancy company. They have taught me how to manage client relationships, and how to deliver a first-class, professional service. Their advice is constructive and meaningful: without them, I wouldn't keep pushing to raise my own standards.
Each morning, I wake up and I look forward to work (again). I have learnt so much this last year, both from the contracts that I have undertaken and from my Masters Degree course. I feel alive, vibrant, and most importantly, current.
My friend who found me burnt-out and jaded could obviously see my potential. I'm so glad that I took his advice. I hope that this coming year is just as fruitful and successful.
To provide some context, I have to say that I have had an extremely successful year. I have more than doubled my projected turnover. Earlier this year, I increased my availability as I was getting more offers of work than I could possibly take on. As I write, I find myself facing the same situation again. I feel lucky that I'm in a position, in the middle of recession, to be able to turn down work.
I couldn't have acheived this without a good friend of mine. I first met him when I worked with him a few years ago. He found me when I was burnt-out and jaded. He gave me two key pieces of advice: Leave your job and go free-lance. And get some more qualifications.
At the time I said "I'm pregnant (with my second child), I'm moving house and I just want some stability". He silently nodded, but over the next few months, he doggedly pestered me about putting his advice into practice. Each time we met, he would find an excuse to give me some practical lessons on how to run a consultancy. He taught me about pricing, contract management etc. I kept saying to him "I'll think about it when I go on Maternity Leave", but I was interested and I did listen to him.
Before my maternity leave had finished, I had started a Masters Degree in Coaching Pyschology. I had found some "spare" time and had undertaken some consultancy work. I left my old job and haven't looked back.
During this year, the two Directors at Consulting at 216 (www.consultingat216.com) have given me tremendous support. I have known both of them for years, but our relationship has changed as I now work as a Associate for this consultancy company. They have taught me how to manage client relationships, and how to deliver a first-class, professional service. Their advice is constructive and meaningful: without them, I wouldn't keep pushing to raise my own standards.
Each morning, I wake up and I look forward to work (again). I have learnt so much this last year, both from the contracts that I have undertaken and from my Masters Degree course. I feel alive, vibrant, and most importantly, current.
My friend who found me burnt-out and jaded could obviously see my potential. I'm so glad that I took his advice. I hope that this coming year is just as fruitful and successful.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Book Review - Time to Think by Nancy Kline
Title of publication: Time To Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind
Author: Nancy Kline
Publisher: Ward Lock, London, 1999
Price: £9.99
Summary of Content
This book introduces Nancy Kline’s model of the Thinking Environment (TE). The premise is that with a certain set of conditions in place, the human mind will have the ability to think more effectively and independently. Kline argues that it is important to develop a TE in everything that we do, because “until we are able to think for ourselves, our dreams are not free to unfold”
In the first part of the book, Kline outlines the 10 components that create a TE: attention, incisive questions, equality, appreciation, ease, encouragement, feelings, information sometimes, place, and diversity.
The first two components of attention and incisive questions are the most important: Whilst demonstrating that they are being attentive to the speaker, the listener must ensure that they allow individuals to speak uninterrupted. By doing so, individuals are more likely to feel free to allow their mind to consider possibilities that they would never have considered if they had been interrupted or felt limited by time. Nancy Kline neatly names the habit of interrupting as “verbal tailgating”.
The model of incisive questions is explored in the second part of the book under the “Thinking Partnership”: Kline explains how limiting beliefs can be identified and then removed through the use of Incisive Questions. This is a key technique that is used to open up the thinker to reach more substantial conclusions or insight in their key issues.
In the second half of the book, Kline describes how the TE can been applied in organisations, and describes a model that can make meetings become more effective. The model for a Thinking Partnership is accompanied by a case study which brings the power of the intervention to life. In essence, the Thinking Partnership could be described as a model for a coaching session.
In the final part of the book, Kline describes how the TE can be applied in a range of settings: health, education, politics, relationships and the family.
Who should read this book?
Although many of aspects of this book can be adopted by anyone, I would particularly recommend it to managers, trainers and coaches. I feel that there are many good elements of this book that can be utilised, if used in combination with other approaches such as Motivational Interviewing.
Summary
I found this book extremely interesting. It proposes a fresh approach to listening and argues that having positive approach to issues can enable them to overcome any manner of difficulty.
The tools and techniques that Kline describes in this book can be readily used within a coaching and / or training environment. Whilst Kline recommends that for the TE to be fully effective, all 10 components need to be present, I have chosen to take the key tools and techniques presented to use in my own work both as a coach and trainer: most notably the "ice-breaker" technique that is deployed at the beginning of meetings and the use of Incisive Questions.
However, I felt the book lost some of its credibility in the chapter regarding Health. In this chapter, NK describes the awful experience she had in her 20s when she is faced with life threatening cancer. She goes on to explain that her choice to refuse medication and instead to think positively enabled her to survive. Whilst this is an incredible story, I found this difficult to reconcile having worked in the NHS for over 10 years.
On the whole, this is a powerful book, with new insights into empowering individuals to achieve more by making conscious decisions in their own lives and fro this reason I would recommend this book.
Overall rating: 8/10
Author: Nancy Kline
Publisher: Ward Lock, London, 1999
Price: £9.99
Summary of Content
This book introduces Nancy Kline’s model of the Thinking Environment (TE). The premise is that with a certain set of conditions in place, the human mind will have the ability to think more effectively and independently. Kline argues that it is important to develop a TE in everything that we do, because “until we are able to think for ourselves, our dreams are not free to unfold”
In the first part of the book, Kline outlines the 10 components that create a TE: attention, incisive questions, equality, appreciation, ease, encouragement, feelings, information sometimes, place, and diversity.
The first two components of attention and incisive questions are the most important: Whilst demonstrating that they are being attentive to the speaker, the listener must ensure that they allow individuals to speak uninterrupted. By doing so, individuals are more likely to feel free to allow their mind to consider possibilities that they would never have considered if they had been interrupted or felt limited by time. Nancy Kline neatly names the habit of interrupting as “verbal tailgating”.
The model of incisive questions is explored in the second part of the book under the “Thinking Partnership”: Kline explains how limiting beliefs can be identified and then removed through the use of Incisive Questions. This is a key technique that is used to open up the thinker to reach more substantial conclusions or insight in their key issues.
In the second half of the book, Kline describes how the TE can been applied in organisations, and describes a model that can make meetings become more effective. The model for a Thinking Partnership is accompanied by a case study which brings the power of the intervention to life. In essence, the Thinking Partnership could be described as a model for a coaching session.
In the final part of the book, Kline describes how the TE can be applied in a range of settings: health, education, politics, relationships and the family.
Who should read this book?
Although many of aspects of this book can be adopted by anyone, I would particularly recommend it to managers, trainers and coaches. I feel that there are many good elements of this book that can be utilised, if used in combination with other approaches such as Motivational Interviewing.
Summary
I found this book extremely interesting. It proposes a fresh approach to listening and argues that having positive approach to issues can enable them to overcome any manner of difficulty.
The tools and techniques that Kline describes in this book can be readily used within a coaching and / or training environment. Whilst Kline recommends that for the TE to be fully effective, all 10 components need to be present, I have chosen to take the key tools and techniques presented to use in my own work both as a coach and trainer: most notably the "ice-breaker" technique that is deployed at the beginning of meetings and the use of Incisive Questions.
However, I felt the book lost some of its credibility in the chapter regarding Health. In this chapter, NK describes the awful experience she had in her 20s when she is faced with life threatening cancer. She goes on to explain that her choice to refuse medication and instead to think positively enabled her to survive. Whilst this is an incredible story, I found this difficult to reconcile having worked in the NHS for over 10 years.
On the whole, this is a powerful book, with new insights into empowering individuals to achieve more by making conscious decisions in their own lives and fro this reason I would recommend this book.
Overall rating: 8/10
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
The hidden benefits of free-lancing
Earlier this year I took the plunge and went free-lance. I felt that it was a solid decision to take despite the recession, as I had done my homework and believed that I would be able to attract enough work for this to be a viable work option for me.
I had been encouraged to go free-lance by my mentor. He believed that setting up my own business and working across a range of new organisations would re-energise me. He also suggested that, as it had been some years since I last undertook any formal education, I should consider undertaking further study.
And he was right. Although I'm working harder than I can remember, my work is stimulating, at my convenience and I do feel re-energised.
But the best part about going free-lance? The hidden benefits - the incredible amount of development and learning opportunities I have had. Let me describe these to you:
1) In the last six months, I have worked on key projects with four different HR professionals or coaches that I didn't know a year ago.
In the course of our work, we have had the opportunity to discuss and implement a wide range of ideas, thoughts, and concepts: I have been introduced to new models of behaviour, discovered different ways of approaching certain subjects, experimented (with success) my delivery style when giving training or presentations and delved into the world of social networking. I now co-host an on-line forum called Minerva's Mind (www.facebook.com/minervasmind).
2) I've also been engaged in a range of diverse projects. As par for the course, I've undertaken research on each subject matter in order to develop a greater understanding. On more than one occaision, I have been able to cross-reference my learning across different organisations. In this way, both the client and myself have been the beneficiaries of my learning.
3) At the end of each project, I have disciplined myself to capture the learning opportunities. This is encapsulated either in an "End of Engagement" report or a reflective diary. It is rare "in-service" to define the end-point of a project. They merely fizzle out - or one becomes frustrated with the snagging problems that arise post-implementation. Reflecting back on the decisions that were made (right and wrong), on how successful particular interventions were, and the long-term impact on the client have been fundamental to my learning.
4) I've also developed relationships with a whole range of other individuals who indirectly support my work. This has either been through formal networks such as the CIPD, the University of Hertfordshire's Coaching & Mentoring Forum, or on-line social networking sites such as Twitter.
I had been encouraged to go free-lance by my mentor. He believed that setting up my own business and working across a range of new organisations would re-energise me. He also suggested that, as it had been some years since I last undertook any formal education, I should consider undertaking further study.
And he was right. Although I'm working harder than I can remember, my work is stimulating, at my convenience and I do feel re-energised.
But the best part about going free-lance? The hidden benefits - the incredible amount of development and learning opportunities I have had. Let me describe these to you:
1) In the last six months, I have worked on key projects with four different HR professionals or coaches that I didn't know a year ago.
In the course of our work, we have had the opportunity to discuss and implement a wide range of ideas, thoughts, and concepts: I have been introduced to new models of behaviour, discovered different ways of approaching certain subjects, experimented (with success) my delivery style when giving training or presentations and delved into the world of social networking. I now co-host an on-line forum called Minerva's Mind (www.facebook.com/minervasmind).
2) I've also been engaged in a range of diverse projects. As par for the course, I've undertaken research on each subject matter in order to develop a greater understanding. On more than one occaision, I have been able to cross-reference my learning across different organisations. In this way, both the client and myself have been the beneficiaries of my learning.
3) At the end of each project, I have disciplined myself to capture the learning opportunities. This is encapsulated either in an "End of Engagement" report or a reflective diary. It is rare "in-service" to define the end-point of a project. They merely fizzle out - or one becomes frustrated with the snagging problems that arise post-implementation. Reflecting back on the decisions that were made (right and wrong), on how successful particular interventions were, and the long-term impact on the client have been fundamental to my learning.
4) I've also developed relationships with a whole range of other individuals who indirectly support my work. This has either been through formal networks such as the CIPD, the University of Hertfordshire's Coaching & Mentoring Forum, or on-line social networking sites such as Twitter.
When I was working "in-service", I did not have the time to network either on-line or off-line. I have learnt an incredible amount from reading other professional's blogs or just chatting to them about how to make the most out of my on-line presence. This part of my development I couldn't have learnt from reading a book; I could only learn about it from interacting with people who share the same challenges, inspirations and goals as I do.
For those who might be wondering - yes - I did go back to University & I'm in the middle of studying for Masters Degree in Coaching Pyschology. This course has been stimulating, and I have learnt an incredible amount. It's also had a tangible and positive impact in my work. But over the last year - the most valuable learning for me has been the informal kind that I've described above.
So, when someone next asks me about my business, and how life is like working for myself, I'm going to tell them about how much I've grown as an individual and a professional over the last few months. This is without doubt, one of the greatest (yet hidden) benefits of going free-lance.
And the most exciting part? This is only the start of the journey.Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Lessons from my vegetable patch
This year, for fun, my daughter and I had a vegetable patch in the corner of our garden. We have grown tomatoes, pumpkins, carrots, lettuce, and one vegetable tbc (yes, I’m not quite sure what we’re growing yet!)
As the vegetable season comes to an end, I have been reflecting on the success of this year's project. And it has been a success. When we commenced on this venture, I did not expect any vegetables to grow. In fact, my garden has been full of life, and I have learnt lessons along the way to improve for next year. As I reflected, I realised that there were a lot of parallels with growing vegetables to friendships. If you indulge me, I will expand below:
Tomatoes:
Without doubt, they should have been crowned my greatest success. 5 out of the 8 tomato plants were grown from seed (I bought three when I had little hope of success earlier in the season). At the high-point, there were about 200 tomatoes growing; some tomatoes were as wide as 5 -6 cms in diameter. But then, almost overnight, the plants died. They caught some kind of fungus.
For me this represents a one facet of friendship - one that is flourishing, but relies heavily upon the environment in which it is growing. Suddenly something comes along (eg the friend moves away, changes jobs) and the friendship finds itself withering away.
Lettuces:
I had three successful lettuce plants that I grew from seed. I had no idea what I was doing, and I just let the plant grow through-out the summer. I never ate any of the leaves, but the lettuce did flower.
My lettuces were like a friendship that develops a life of it's own: it has quietly flourished in my garden for six months and I haven’t spent time nourishing it. But there is potential for further growth through the harvesting of the seeds and another patch of lettuces will grow in my garden next year.
Some friendship grow steadily and quietly. And when they flower, you suddenly realise how much you value them.
Carrots:
I was concerned when I was planting the carrot saplings that they were underdeveloped and had the potential to wither away. So I planted 10 saplings together. All the saplings flourished, but the result was that I had 10 carrots that were growing together in the same small space.
Sometimes you fall in with a group of friends. You develop relationships with all the members of the group - but don't realise the long-term impact of this. The end result is that whist you have a series of superficial relationships, and there isn’t one particular person that you’re close to, or least close enough to call upon in time of need.
Pumpkins:
Who knew how dramatic a pumpkin plant is? I had three plants that I grew from seed. They have large leaves, beautiful yellow flowers and take up most of the vegetable patch (and overflow into next door's garden). The pumpkins are only just beginning to grow.
Is this the flamboyant friend? Is it style over substance? Or will this friend come good by Halloween so that we can make pumpkin lanterns for my daughter, son and their friends?
Vegetable tbc:
I honestly don't know what I'm growing - I lost the label early on in this project. I believe that it's either leeks or courgettes. And it appears to be growing well.
This is the friendship that seems to take a back seat, yet the relationship develops at a steady pace. And it could result in a fantastic friendship - if only it could be defined.
I will try again next year with my vegetable garden and hope to harvest a greater number of veggies. I realise that the friendship types described above don’t cover the many different types of relationships we have in our lives…..I will need a bigger array of vegetables for that!
My main lesson from my vegetable patch? Don't leave friendships to chance.
As the vegetable season comes to an end, I have been reflecting on the success of this year's project. And it has been a success. When we commenced on this venture, I did not expect any vegetables to grow. In fact, my garden has been full of life, and I have learnt lessons along the way to improve for next year. As I reflected, I realised that there were a lot of parallels with growing vegetables to friendships. If you indulge me, I will expand below:
Tomatoes:
Without doubt, they should have been crowned my greatest success. 5 out of the 8 tomato plants were grown from seed (I bought three when I had little hope of success earlier in the season). At the high-point, there were about 200 tomatoes growing; some tomatoes were as wide as 5 -6 cms in diameter. But then, almost overnight, the plants died. They caught some kind of fungus.
For me this represents a one facet of friendship - one that is flourishing, but relies heavily upon the environment in which it is growing. Suddenly something comes along (eg the friend moves away, changes jobs) and the friendship finds itself withering away.
Lettuces:
I had three successful lettuce plants that I grew from seed. I had no idea what I was doing, and I just let the plant grow through-out the summer. I never ate any of the leaves, but the lettuce did flower.
My lettuces were like a friendship that develops a life of it's own: it has quietly flourished in my garden for six months and I haven’t spent time nourishing it. But there is potential for further growth through the harvesting of the seeds and another patch of lettuces will grow in my garden next year.
Some friendship grow steadily and quietly. And when they flower, you suddenly realise how much you value them.
Carrots:
I was concerned when I was planting the carrot saplings that they were underdeveloped and had the potential to wither away. So I planted 10 saplings together. All the saplings flourished, but the result was that I had 10 carrots that were growing together in the same small space.
Sometimes you fall in with a group of friends. You develop relationships with all the members of the group - but don't realise the long-term impact of this. The end result is that whist you have a series of superficial relationships, and there isn’t one particular person that you’re close to, or least close enough to call upon in time of need.
Pumpkins:
Who knew how dramatic a pumpkin plant is? I had three plants that I grew from seed. They have large leaves, beautiful yellow flowers and take up most of the vegetable patch (and overflow into next door's garden). The pumpkins are only just beginning to grow.
Is this the flamboyant friend? Is it style over substance? Or will this friend come good by Halloween so that we can make pumpkin lanterns for my daughter, son and their friends?
Vegetable tbc:
I honestly don't know what I'm growing - I lost the label early on in this project. I believe that it's either leeks or courgettes. And it appears to be growing well.
This is the friendship that seems to take a back seat, yet the relationship develops at a steady pace. And it could result in a fantastic friendship - if only it could be defined.
I will try again next year with my vegetable garden and hope to harvest a greater number of veggies. I realise that the friendship types described above don’t cover the many different types of relationships we have in our lives…..I will need a bigger array of vegetables for that!
My main lesson from my vegetable patch? Don't leave friendships to chance.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Introduction to Minerva's Mind
I recently co-founded Minerva's Mind. This is the first blog posted on for our on-line community: www.facebook.com/minervasmind.
May 2006: I had worked hard over the last 10 years to build my career. One month back from my first maternity leave I was appointed to my dream job: Director of HR. Admittedly this was only in an acting capacity - but it carried all the same duties, responsibilities and accountability as a permanent appointment. It just didn't carry the salary and it was temporary in contractual terms. But that didn't matter, this was my "dream job".
And that's when I discovered the glass ceiling. And I struggled with this for some time. I was the first of my close friends to have a child, and so I was trailblazing in a way. But I didn't have anyone to share my emotional and intellectual struggles with. Let me give you a flavour:
1) I was unable to work the long hours that I was accustomed to working before I had my daughter.
Therefore, I felt I wasn't delivering (in terms of work) as much as I was before (pre-children). I was still 110% committed, but had to demonstrate this in a mere 30 hours a week - not the 50+ that I previously worked. I felt I was letting the organisation down as I wasn't able to contribute in terms of my time as much as I had before.
2) I wanted one work-day a week (at least) when I could be with my daughter uninterrupted.
Being in such a responsible position at a time when the organisation was going through a crisis meant that I was needed on a operational basis every day. Although I worked flexibly, and I worked my contractual hours, this did not fit the needs of the organisation (which is incredibly family-friendly). I had a role that required me to be available at all times during the working day to respond to issues. I found this un-workable, as I did not want to sacrifice my time with my daughter.
3) Frustration - 1
Frustration because I knew that I could do the job that I been appointed to - if only I had the time. But I didn't have the time, as I had a beautiful daughter. I felt that the responsibility I had for her was greater than my commitment to my job.
5) Frustration - 2
Frustrated as no-one really seemed to understand what I was going through - including my husband. It was tough at work, due the organisational climate at that time, and I was still adjusting to corporate life with a small child. My husband wanted to spend time with me each evening, but I found myself negotiating with him - putting him last in this triad of conflicting priorities: daughter, work, hubbie.
6) Guilt
Guilty because I was putting my husband last.
7) Anger
I went to an all girls' school, with a philosophy that women can achieve as much as men. No-one ever told me about the glass ceiling. No-one ever told me about the adjustments that I would have to make to my career once I had children. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe that having a child would be that restrictive to my professional career. I thought that having a child would enhance my life as a whole - but in reality, this was at the cost of my career. And that's when I felt anger.
And the end result?
I stood down from the role. Not because of any of the above, but for another reason (professionally related), and this was the best career move I have ever made for a number of reasons. To name a few: it made me take stock of life and I was able to slow-down. I was able to invest time in myself and to come to terms with the glass ceiling.
Since then I have spoken to a range of women that have had similar situations. The factors are not necessarily the same. Often women find they can't go back to work after their second child as the child-care costs are too expensive. Or the commute to work was too far. It is for this reason that I became interested in Maternity Coaching and in particular working with women to become leaders in whatever they choose.
I met my business partner, Kate, because we had similar experiences and had similar interests in coaching. Together we have set up Minerva's Mind - working with women who are facing similar dilemas.
Commencing in October is our Minerva's Mind Coaching Club. The club meets for six group sessions over twelve weeks, where a range of different topics are explored. The groups are small so individual attention can be given to each woman. If a group of women want to know more before committing to our coaching club, we also offer taster evenings.
Please continue to look around our fan page if you want to know more information about Minerva's Mind. Alternatively, please don't hesitate to contact either Kate or myself,
Karen
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
The Joy of Coaching Part 1
I was drawn to coaching as I knew that I would get great joy from working with individuals to become more empowered, or find greater fulfilment, or wherever their journey would take us. This is the first of a series of articles that I have called "The Joy of Coaching" where I share some of my the amazing coaching experiences.
Let me tell you about a recent client and their coaching journey........
Jane first came to me when her son was six months old. She was due to return to work in a few months time and wanted to talk about managing her work-life balance.
In the first session with my client, I asked one of my standard questions: "Tell me a bit about your life......". Jane is a senior PA, who enjoys her work and being part of a team. Jane has attempted to gain qualifications over the years, but each time she has left the course just before the final assessment. Each time she had a "valid" reason for doing so. As she reached the end of her story she exclaimed "Look at my life! I've never finished anything I've started. I put up barriers and use them as excuses." Jane suddenly realised that she was afraid of failing.
We decided to spend some time exploring this revelation: Jane had had a successful career to date, but she did not share this view. Despite evidence to the contrary, she had little confidence in her skills and abilities. She believed she would fail as she was "not good enough" and did not want this confirmed at the end of a course.
As I ask all my clients to undertaken some work in between sessions, I suggested that Jane updated her CV. We looked at her draft at the start of the next session. Jane had written her personal profile, but had felt unable to continue. She did not believe what she was writing about herself. We spent the next half an hour on a simple exercise: Jane was to give me five examples for each attribute in her personal profile. Jane quickly got into the flow of this activity and she surprised herself with the calibre of her answers. This was the first step to increasing Jane's self-belief.
We spent the next half of the session preparing for a "return to work" interview she had the following week. The meeting was with her team supervisor - X. In the past they had had a difficult relationship, and this worried Jane as she felt it would have an impact on the outcome of the meeting. We explored the relationship from all perspectives and looked at a range of options that Jane could deploy during the meeting.
At our third session, Jane walked through the door looking vibrant and confident. Her meeting with X had gone well, and she had started to approach her life with a different attitude. At Jane's suggestion, we used this session to explore her "dream job" and Jane made plans to start on a new journey to fulfil her dreams.
Often when I meet a client, the coaching agenda is to resolve a current issue. But often this leads to greater and more fulfilling outcomes, for both the coachee and for me the coach. And Jane's story above shows how easily this happens. And it is for this reason that I enjoy coaching.
Let me tell you about a recent client and their coaching journey........
Jane first came to me when her son was six months old. She was due to return to work in a few months time and wanted to talk about managing her work-life balance.
In the first session with my client, I asked one of my standard questions: "Tell me a bit about your life......". Jane is a senior PA, who enjoys her work and being part of a team. Jane has attempted to gain qualifications over the years, but each time she has left the course just before the final assessment. Each time she had a "valid" reason for doing so. As she reached the end of her story she exclaimed "Look at my life! I've never finished anything I've started. I put up barriers and use them as excuses." Jane suddenly realised that she was afraid of failing.
We decided to spend some time exploring this revelation: Jane had had a successful career to date, but she did not share this view. Despite evidence to the contrary, she had little confidence in her skills and abilities. She believed she would fail as she was "not good enough" and did not want this confirmed at the end of a course.
As I ask all my clients to undertaken some work in between sessions, I suggested that Jane updated her CV. We looked at her draft at the start of the next session. Jane had written her personal profile, but had felt unable to continue. She did not believe what she was writing about herself. We spent the next half an hour on a simple exercise: Jane was to give me five examples for each attribute in her personal profile. Jane quickly got into the flow of this activity and she surprised herself with the calibre of her answers. This was the first step to increasing Jane's self-belief.
We spent the next half of the session preparing for a "return to work" interview she had the following week. The meeting was with her team supervisor - X. In the past they had had a difficult relationship, and this worried Jane as she felt it would have an impact on the outcome of the meeting. We explored the relationship from all perspectives and looked at a range of options that Jane could deploy during the meeting.
At our third session, Jane walked through the door looking vibrant and confident. Her meeting with X had gone well, and she had started to approach her life with a different attitude. At Jane's suggestion, we used this session to explore her "dream job" and Jane made plans to start on a new journey to fulfil her dreams.
Often when I meet a client, the coaching agenda is to resolve a current issue. But often this leads to greater and more fulfilling outcomes, for both the coachee and for me the coach. And Jane's story above shows how easily this happens. And it is for this reason that I enjoy coaching.
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Rise to the Challenge
One of the fundamental aspects of coaching is working with clients to push through their comfort zones and persue a new direction. It's inspiring as a coach when I observe a client rising to that challenge,achieving new heights and maximising their potential.
But how and when do we get stuck in that comfort zone, or "easy arm chair" syndrome? I observe my children (I have two under 5 years old) and they are constantly pushing the boundaries: there is no comfort zone - for either party! As a parent I need lots of energy to keep my children with these undefined, parent-imposed boundaries. But that's OK, as I believe that children need to push boundaries to learn the rules and define their schemas.
So when do we stop pushing boundaries? As an adult it's all to easy to one day wake up and realise that we have slipped into that "easy arm chair. And it's difficult to get out again. Is it that, unlike a child with boundless energy, as adults we are investing all our energies into just surviving - paying the bills, looking after our loved ones (our elders as well as our children)?
So, I turn to ask you - when did you last break out of your comfort zone? If you can't remember - get out of your easy arm-chair. Rise to a new challenge. Make yourself proud.
But how and when do we get stuck in that comfort zone, or "easy arm chair" syndrome? I observe my children (I have two under 5 years old) and they are constantly pushing the boundaries: there is no comfort zone - for either party! As a parent I need lots of energy to keep my children with these undefined, parent-imposed boundaries. But that's OK, as I believe that children need to push boundaries to learn the rules and define their schemas.
So when do we stop pushing boundaries? As an adult it's all to easy to one day wake up and realise that we have slipped into that "easy arm chair. And it's difficult to get out again. Is it that, unlike a child with boundless energy, as adults we are investing all our energies into just surviving - paying the bills, looking after our loved ones (our elders as well as our children)?
Or is it that as an adult we limit the number of boundaries we're trying to push through? Or is that the definition changes? When we learn a new skill, visit a new country, do something different, are we pushing our boundaries - but as an adult, we just call it something else? We see these new opportunities as exciting adventures. And we challenge ourselves, we find the energy to push out of our comfort zone and we readily take on the challenge. When you really set your mind to do something new and exciting, there's a desire to achieve this, the effort involved is worth it.
Sometimes the challenges are huge. My hairdresser is about to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. And sometimes they can appear quite trivial: a friend has recently decided to live life without her nail extensions ....and I quote...."just to see what it's like". Both are going outside their comfort zones and I admire them both for different reasons.
So, I turn to ask you - when did you last break out of your comfort zone? If you can't remember - get out of your easy arm-chair. Rise to a new challenge. Make yourself proud.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
When did you last use your EQ?
I've become fascinated by Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It's such a simple concept: recognising one's own or other's emotions, considering what are the factors behind those emotions and using that information to determine future actions. However, if it's that simple, why don't we use our EQ more frequently?
I've spent the last year weaving the principles of EQ into my work, either in my coaching practice or as part of training programmes I deliver. And I find in most cases, it's a topic that is easy for clients to think about. What fascinates me most is that although we all know what emotions are, we don't recognise the power of understanding our emotions - and the subsequent impact on how we make decisions and what actions we take.
Stop for a second to think about your emotions: most people can readily identify their feelings. That is the easy first step. But then what happens next? Nothing. Most people don't consider this piece of information and apply it. If we did the potential for better relationships could be enormous. And when relationships are working well, we can achieve more both on a personal and professional level.
I've spent the last year weaving the principles of EQ into my work, either in my coaching practice or as part of training programmes I deliver. And I find in most cases, it's a topic that is easy for clients to think about. What fascinates me most is that although we all know what emotions are, we don't recognise the power of understanding our emotions - and the subsequent impact on how we make decisions and what actions we take.
Stop for a second to think about your emotions: most people can readily identify their feelings. That is the easy first step. But then what happens next? Nothing. Most people don't consider this piece of information and apply it. If we did the potential for better relationships could be enormous. And when relationships are working well, we can achieve more both on a personal and professional level.
What does this mean in practice? You're a manager entering an appraisal; your employee appears to be nervous and anxious. Great - you recognise the emotions that your employee is feeling. But what do you do in response? In reality, the answer is usually nothing.
As the manager, you are probably feeling bored by the tick-box process that appraisals can sometimes become. So you go through the motions, and the result is a time-wasting exercise to meet the Training Department's requirements. You feel relieved it's all over and your employee leaves feeling less afraid, but certainly not engaged or inspired.
And that's exactly what appraisals are not about. Appraisals are about motivating employees, setting challenging goals, and looking at stimulating developmental opportunities. If done correctly, appraisals can increase staff satisfaction and productivity. In this instance, the exact opposite has occurred.
If you had considered your feelings, you might have spent time thinking about how you are likely to come across to your employee during the appraisal meeting. As a result, you may have spent time planning on how to phrase key points different - particularly how you might give feedback. Changing how and what you communicate is a result of using your EQ.
You walk into the appraisal, and you note the feelings of your employee. Knowing that you had prepared appropriately for the meeting, you would be able to make your employee feel at ease from the start of the meeting; as the meeting continues you would notice your employee beginning to show that they feel valued and excited about the coming 12 months. You, in turn, will feel that you have invested 90 minutes of your time and also would be feeling more motivated as result. (Appraisals aren't just about motivating employees)
So, the next time you have to face a difficult or challenging situation, take 5 minutes out. Think about how you're feeling, both emotionally and physically. Think about what you're going to do differently and consider the difference in potential outcomes.
Emotional Intelligence isn't hard. It's just about being more self-aware and aware of others emotions and giving yourself time to think about it. Give it a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.
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