Lessons from my vegetable patch

This year, for fun, my daughter and I had a vegetable patch in the corner of our garden. We have grown tomatoes, pumpkins, carrots, lettuce, and one vegetable tbc (yes, I’m not quite sure what we’re growing yet!)


As the vegetable season comes to an end, I have been reflecting on the success of this year's project. And it has been a success. When we commenced on this venture, I did not expect any vegetables to grow. In fact, my garden has been full of life, and I have learnt lessons along the way to improve for next year. As I reflected, I realised that there were a lot of parallels with growing vegetables to friendships. If you indulge me, I will expand below:


Tomatoes:

Without doubt, they should have been crowned my greatest success. 5 out of the 8 tomato plants were grown from seed (I bought three when I had little hope of success earlier in the season). At the high-point, there were about 200 tomatoes growing; some tomatoes were as wide as 5 -6 cms in diameter. But then, almost overnight, the plants died. They caught some kind of fungus.


For me this represents a one facet of friendship - one that is flourishing, but relies heavily upon the environment in which it is growing. Suddenly something comes along (eg the friend moves away, changes jobs) and the friendship finds itself withering away.


Lettuces:

I had three successful lettuce plants that I grew from seed. I had no idea what I was doing, and I just let the plant grow through-out the summer. I never ate any of the leaves, but the lettuce did flower.


My lettuces were like a friendship that develops a life of it's own: it has quietly flourished in my garden for six months and I haven’t spent time nourishing it. But there is potential for further growth through the harvesting of the seeds and another patch of lettuces will grow in my garden next year.

Some friendship grow steadily and quietly. And when they flower, you suddenly realise how much you value them.


Carrots:

I was concerned when I was planting the carrot saplings that they were underdeveloped and had the potential to wither away. So I planted 10 saplings together. All the saplings flourished, but the result was that I had 10 carrots that were growing together in the same small space.


Sometimes you fall in with a group of friends. You develop relationships with all the members of the group - but don't realise the long-term impact of this. The end result is that whist you have a series of superficial relationships, and there isn’t one particular person that you’re close to, or least close enough to call upon in time of need.


Pumpkins:

Who knew how dramatic a pumpkin plant is? I had three plants that I grew from seed. They have large leaves, beautiful yellow flowers and take up most of the vegetable patch (and overflow into next door's garden). The pumpkins are only just beginning to grow.


Is this the flamboyant friend? Is it style over substance? Or will this friend come good by Halloween so that we can make pumpkin lanterns for my daughter, son and their friends?


Vegetable tbc:

I honestly don't know what I'm growing - I lost the label early on in this project. I believe that it's either leeks or courgettes. And it appears to be growing well.


This is the friendship that seems to take a back seat, yet the relationship develops at a steady pace. And it could result in a fantastic friendship - if only it could be defined.


I will try again next year with my vegetable garden and hope to harvest a greater number of veggies. I realise that the friendship types described above don’t cover the many different types of relationships we have in our lives…..I will need a bigger array of vegetables for that!

My main lesson from my vegetable patch? Don't leave friendships to chance.

Introduction to Minerva's Mind

I recently co-founded Minerva's Mind. This is the first blog posted on for our on-line community: www.facebook.com/minervasmind.

May 2006: I had worked hard over the last 10 years to build my career. One month back from my first maternity leave I was appointed to my dream job: Director of HR. Admittedly this was only in an acting capacity - but it carried all the same duties, responsibilities and accountability as a permanent appointment. It just didn't carry the salary and it was temporary in contractual terms. But that didn't matter, this was my "dream job".

And that's when I discovered the glass ceiling. And I struggled with this for some time. I was the first of my close friends to have a child, and so I was trailblazing in a way. But I didn't have anyone to share my emotional and intellectual struggles with. Let me give you a flavour:

1) I was unable to work the long hours that I was accustomed to working before I had my daughter.

Therefore, I felt I wasn't delivering (in terms of work) as much as I was before (pre-children). I was still 110% committed, but had to demonstrate this in a mere 30 hours a week - not the 50+ that I previously worked. I felt I was letting the organisation down as I wasn't able to contribute in terms of my time as much as I had before.

2) I wanted one work-day a week (at least) when I could be with my daughter uninterrupted.

Being in such a responsible position at a time when the organisation was going through a crisis meant that I was needed on a operational basis every day. Although I worked flexibly, and I worked my contractual hours, this did not fit the needs of the organisation (which is incredibly family-friendly). I had a role that required me to be available at all times during the working day to respond to issues. I found this un-workable, as I did not want to sacrifice my time with my daughter.

3) Frustration - 1

Frustration because I knew that I could do the job that I been appointed to - if only I had the time. But I didn't have the time, as I had a beautiful daughter. I felt that the responsibility I had for her was greater than my commitment to my job.

5) Frustration - 2

Frustrated as no-one really seemed to understand what I was going through - including my husband. It was tough at work, due the organisational climate at that time, and I was still adjusting to corporate life with a small child. My husband wanted to spend time with me each evening, but I found myself negotiating with him - putting him last in this triad of conflicting priorities: daughter, work, hubbie.

6) Guilt

Guilty because I was putting my husband last.

7) Anger

I went to an all girls' school, with a philosophy that women can achieve as much as men. No-one ever told me about the glass ceiling. No-one ever told me about the adjustments that I would have to make to my career once I had children. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe that having a child would be that restrictive to my professional career. I thought that having a child would enhance my life as a whole - but in reality, this was at the cost of my career. And that's when I felt anger.

And the end result?

I stood down from the role. Not because of any of the above, but for another reason (professionally related), and this was the best career move I have ever made for a number of reasons. To name a few: it made me take stock of life and I was able to slow-down. I was able to invest time in myself and to come to terms with the glass ceiling.

Since then I have spoken to a range of women that have had similar situations. The factors are not necessarily the same. Often women find they can't go back to work after their second child as the child-care costs are too expensive. Or the commute to work was too far. It is for this reason that I became interested in Maternity Coaching and in particular working with women to become leaders in whatever they choose.

I met my business partner, Kate, because we had similar experiences and had similar interests in coaching. Together we have set up Minerva's Mind - working with women who are facing similar dilemas.

Commencing in October is our Minerva's Mind Coaching Club. The club meets for six group sessions over twelve weeks, where a range of different topics are explored. The groups are small so individual attention can be given to each woman. If a group of women want to know more before committing to our coaching club, we also offer taster evenings.

Please continue to look around our fan page if you want to know more information about Minerva's Mind. Alternatively, please don't hesitate to contact either Kate or myself,

Karen