Is the 21st Century Middle-class Mum helping or hindering the next generation?

This week I was engaged in an interesting conversation with three successful 50-something women. Each woman is a mother to accomplished grown-up children, and they all have friends who have equally accomplished children. Their children are currently on a journey to become qualified as doctors or lawyers having achieved academic, music and / or sporting success whilst at school.

I listened to stories of children who had belonged to the National Youth Theatre, or played three instruments and had achieved Grade 8 by the time they were in their early teens. Each mother had ensured that their children were given the opportunity to excel through extra-curricular activities. As successful women themselves, they could be considered as role models to their children – a fact that should be celebrated.

During our conversation, I reflected about a friend whose 8 year old boy now was engaged in four after-school activities. Each one developed some kind of social or sporting skill (eg Scouts, swimming) and she wholly supported her son’s involvement in these activities. But she had recently realised that she had become one of those mums who was constantly ferrying her son about. He was hardly at home to just “play” with his sister or his friends. And she was acutely aware that her younger daughter will soon want (and expect) the same. She pondered with me about how this had happened?

Whilst we want the best for our children, are we in fact pressuring them to achieve too much at such a young age? The women I spent time with this week were concerned that their children might have their mid-life crisis in their mid-20s. As young adults who had experienced such levels of achievement already in their lives, there is a possibility that as they enter the world of work they might experience disappointment or dissatisfaction with life. Or will these 20-somethings have a sense of confidence, drive and a core belief that they know that they can achieve that will enable them to become leaders of society that will make us all proud?

I think that only hindsight will give us this answer. For now, I will continue to give my children the best opportunities with a measure of balance.

Pushing the Boundaries of Competence

We all like to be in our "comfort zone". The place where everything is safe and we confident in what we say and do. However, it is well recognised that for a person to grow, they need to be in their "learning zone". This is the place where an individual is undertaking activities that are just beyond the "comfort zone".

But how large is our individual "learning zone". Do we know when we've crossed over the boundary into the zone of incompetence?

I reflected on this recently as I completed a small project for a client. I have undertaken a range of assignments with this client, mostly using the same set of skills and knowledge. However, they asked me some months ago to undertake a specific project where I had limited knowledge. I declared this lack of knowledge from the start, but they felt that I had the appropriate skills and abilities.

There were times during the project when I was aware that I was being stretched. I was aware of what I didn't know. As a result, I used my judgement and called upon the experts when I needed help. The project was completed timely and the client was pleased with my delivery.

However, I have observed many managers and employees who have been required to work well beyond their learning zone without expert support or advice. Over a period of time, this sustained requirement to work beyond their abilities has lead to incompetence. The reasons behind this might have been either due to poor recruitment, or poor development as roles have significant changed. But the impact on the individual can be destructive both on a personal and professional level.

Having the insight to realise which zone you are currently in (the comfort, learning or beyond) is important. This allows you to make the right decisions about how you manage your work and relationships. It will either push you to raise your game, or to seek alternatives options that will prove more beneficial to you and your organisation in the long-term. Make a conscious decision about how you want to manage your learning.