I've spent the last year weaving the principles of EQ into my work, either in my coaching practice or as part of training programmes I deliver. And I find in most cases, it's a topic that is easy for clients to think about. What fascinates me most is that although we all know what emotions are, we don't recognise the power of understanding our emotions - and the subsequent impact on how we make decisions and what actions we take.
Stop for a second to think about your emotions: most people can readily identify their feelings. That is the easy first step. But then what happens next? Nothing. Most people don't consider this piece of information and apply it. If we did the potential for better relationships could be enormous. And when relationships are working well, we can achieve more both on a personal and professional level.
What does this mean in practice? You're a manager entering an appraisal; your employee appears to be nervous and anxious. Great - you recognise the emotions that your employee is feeling. But what do you do in response? In reality, the answer is usually nothing.
As the manager, you are probably feeling bored by the tick-box process that appraisals can sometimes become. So you go through the motions, and the result is a time-wasting exercise to meet the Training Department's requirements. You feel relieved it's all over and your employee leaves feeling less afraid, but certainly not engaged or inspired.
And that's exactly what appraisals are not about. Appraisals are about motivating employees, setting challenging goals, and looking at stimulating developmental opportunities. If done correctly, appraisals can increase staff satisfaction and productivity. In this instance, the exact opposite has occurred.
If you had considered your feelings, you might have spent time thinking about how you are likely to come across to your employee during the appraisal meeting. As a result, you may have spent time planning on how to phrase key points different - particularly how you might give feedback. Changing how and what you communicate is a result of using your EQ.
You walk into the appraisal, and you note the feelings of your employee. Knowing that you had prepared appropriately for the meeting, you would be able to make your employee feel at ease from the start of the meeting; as the meeting continues you would notice your employee beginning to show that they feel valued and excited about the coming 12 months. You, in turn, will feel that you have invested 90 minutes of your time and also would be feeling more motivated as result. (Appraisals aren't just about motivating employees)
So, the next time you have to face a difficult or challenging situation, take 5 minutes out. Think about how you're feeling, both emotionally and physically. Think about what you're going to do differently and consider the difference in potential outcomes.
Emotional Intelligence isn't hard. It's just about being more self-aware and aware of others emotions and giving yourself time to think about it. Give it a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.
