Recently, my daughter turned four. On the eve of her birthday I was wrapping her presents. She had chosen the majority of them, but we had also bought a few extra that we thought she'd enjoy (and also of educational value!). As I wrapped them, I reflected on the fact that all the presents my daughter had chosen were from known brands - Ben 10, High School Musical, Toy Story etc. Whilst I approved of all the toys we had bought, I began to wonder: Has my soon-to-be four year old been exposed so much to commercialism that it's already demonstrating its influence over her choices at such a young age? Am I a bad mum for allowing this to happen?
I took a step back and began to think more about her choice of presents.
One of the biggest presents was her High School Musical Outfit (including the pom-poms). Those who are my friend on facebook know that I'm a fan of HSM - we regularly play the CD at home. The outfit idea had come from one of her friends at nursery,who had worn her HSM outfit (including the pom-poms) one day. Although my daughter said nothing at the time, she obviously coverted the red sparkly leotard. Dress up and role-play is an important part of her development. Currently, she will only wear her reindeer and fairy outfits - so I welcomed her request for another dressing-up outfit as this will broader her creative play.
As I looked at her toys, I began to notice that the common theme here that my daughter is influenced by her peers (that explains the Ben 10 watch). How can I fight commercialism where the marketing is so integral to society it infiltrates our nurseries?
And then I caught sight of the Beyonce CD. Where did this inspiration come from? I have a degree in Music and I love listening to all types of music. We regularly play CDs during mealtimes, and currently it ranges from Abba, to Ray Charles to Tchaikovsky's Ballet Suites. But Beyonce doesn't really have a place in our music collection.
Then I remembered: earlier this year, I took my daughter to a "proper" hairdressers for the first time. I was worried about how she would react, so I "bigged" it up, and she was very excited about being treated like a princess. As we waited for our appointment, Beyonce's "Single Ladies" played on the video. Admittedly it's a great video (it did win the MTV Music Video of the Year award) and my daughter sat captivated. Subsequently, she now recognises most of Beyonce's songs. She asked me to play Beyonce one mealtime, and I explained that I couldn't as we didn't own any of her songs. That's when she asked me to buy her the CD for her birthday. How could I refuse?
I could go on....but the bottom line is that she loves all the toys that she asked for and has played with them endlessly since her birthday.
So, in essence, I don't think I'm a bad mum. I'm now more aware that my daughter is influenced by everything and everyone around her, and I can't control that. My role is ensuring that she maintains a balanced approach to life and is aware of incredible influence that marketing / commercialism has on our lives. Wish me luck!
Friday 27 November 2009
Tuesday 24 November 2009
How to tell a story
Last year I watched both of the Truman Capote Films: Capote (2005), staring Philip Seymour Hoffman who won an Oscar for his performance and Infamous (2006). Both films covered the period of Truman Capote's life when he was researching the book "In Cold Blood".
What struck me most about these films is how Capote would use social gatherings, parties, or dinner parties to refine his stories through orally telling his friends about the subjects of his current book. Each time he told the story he noted the reaction of the audience and this influenced his sentence construction and phrasing to enable maximum impact to the reader.
I recalled this fine art of story-telling as I prepared this week for a workshop for staff who are currently undergoing an organisation restructure. All the staff are having to apply for new posts in their department and my workshop is to support them through this process so that they are able to effectively demonstrate their skills, experience and abilities.
One of the key elements whilst preparing for an interview or any type of selection process is to practice "out-loud" the responses to key questions. We often find that we've constructed an excellent reponse in our minds, but frequently this response does not sound as good when we hear it out loud for the first time.
I encourage participants to find some private space - either in the car, or in the shower for example, and to use this space to recite their stories out loud. The key is to repeat the stories over and over - ensuring that the story reaches a conclusive end. Refine the story as you practice it, and the more you do, the more embedded the story will become.
When faced with a couple interviewers, candidates often feel nervous and their minds "go-blank". With well rehearsed stories, answers spring to mind easily and the delivery is well prepared: it demonstrates the point, highlights the learning that occured and shows the interviews both the level of skills / experience as well as the ability to reflect and learn.
So, I think that Truman Capote sets us a good example. We may not be as literary competent as he is, but we can learn from his methodology about how to make the most of our own stories.
What struck me most about these films is how Capote would use social gatherings, parties, or dinner parties to refine his stories through orally telling his friends about the subjects of his current book. Each time he told the story he noted the reaction of the audience and this influenced his sentence construction and phrasing to enable maximum impact to the reader.
I recalled this fine art of story-telling as I prepared this week for a workshop for staff who are currently undergoing an organisation restructure. All the staff are having to apply for new posts in their department and my workshop is to support them through this process so that they are able to effectively demonstrate their skills, experience and abilities.
One of the key elements whilst preparing for an interview or any type of selection process is to practice "out-loud" the responses to key questions. We often find that we've constructed an excellent reponse in our minds, but frequently this response does not sound as good when we hear it out loud for the first time.
I encourage participants to find some private space - either in the car, or in the shower for example, and to use this space to recite their stories out loud. The key is to repeat the stories over and over - ensuring that the story reaches a conclusive end. Refine the story as you practice it, and the more you do, the more embedded the story will become.
When faced with a couple interviewers, candidates often feel nervous and their minds "go-blank". With well rehearsed stories, answers spring to mind easily and the delivery is well prepared: it demonstrates the point, highlights the learning that occured and shows the interviews both the level of skills / experience as well as the ability to reflect and learn.
So, I think that Truman Capote sets us a good example. We may not be as literary competent as he is, but we can learn from his methodology about how to make the most of our own stories.
Tuesday 17 November 2009
Book Review - Time to Think by Nancy Kline
Title of publication: Time To Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind
Author: Nancy Kline
Publisher: Ward Lock, London, 1999
Price: £9.99
Summary of Content
This book introduces Nancy Kline’s model of the Thinking Environment (TE). The premise is that with a certain set of conditions in place, the human mind will have the ability to think more effectively and independently. Kline argues that it is important to develop a TE in everything that we do, because “until we are able to think for ourselves, our dreams are not free to unfold”
In the first part of the book, Kline outlines the 10 components that create a TE: attention, incisive questions, equality, appreciation, ease, encouragement, feelings, information sometimes, place, and diversity.
The first two components of attention and incisive questions are the most important: Whilst demonstrating that they are being attentive to the speaker, the listener must ensure that they allow individuals to speak uninterrupted. By doing so, individuals are more likely to feel free to allow their mind to consider possibilities that they would never have considered if they had been interrupted or felt limited by time. Nancy Kline neatly names the habit of interrupting as “verbal tailgating”.
The model of incisive questions is explored in the second part of the book under the “Thinking Partnership”: Kline explains how limiting beliefs can be identified and then removed through the use of Incisive Questions. This is a key technique that is used to open up the thinker to reach more substantial conclusions or insight in their key issues.
In the second half of the book, Kline describes how the TE can been applied in organisations, and describes a model that can make meetings become more effective. The model for a Thinking Partnership is accompanied by a case study which brings the power of the intervention to life. In essence, the Thinking Partnership could be described as a model for a coaching session.
In the final part of the book, Kline describes how the TE can be applied in a range of settings: health, education, politics, relationships and the family.
Who should read this book?
Although many of aspects of this book can be adopted by anyone, I would particularly recommend it to managers, trainers and coaches. I feel that there are many good elements of this book that can be utilised, if used in combination with other approaches such as Motivational Interviewing.
Summary
I found this book extremely interesting. It proposes a fresh approach to listening and argues that having positive approach to issues can enable them to overcome any manner of difficulty.
The tools and techniques that Kline describes in this book can be readily used within a coaching and / or training environment. Whilst Kline recommends that for the TE to be fully effective, all 10 components need to be present, I have chosen to take the key tools and techniques presented to use in my own work both as a coach and trainer: most notably the "ice-breaker" technique that is deployed at the beginning of meetings and the use of Incisive Questions.
However, I felt the book lost some of its credibility in the chapter regarding Health. In this chapter, NK describes the awful experience she had in her 20s when she is faced with life threatening cancer. She goes on to explain that her choice to refuse medication and instead to think positively enabled her to survive. Whilst this is an incredible story, I found this difficult to reconcile having worked in the NHS for over 10 years.
On the whole, this is a powerful book, with new insights into empowering individuals to achieve more by making conscious decisions in their own lives and fro this reason I would recommend this book.
Overall rating: 8/10
Author: Nancy Kline
Publisher: Ward Lock, London, 1999
Price: £9.99
Summary of Content
This book introduces Nancy Kline’s model of the Thinking Environment (TE). The premise is that with a certain set of conditions in place, the human mind will have the ability to think more effectively and independently. Kline argues that it is important to develop a TE in everything that we do, because “until we are able to think for ourselves, our dreams are not free to unfold”
In the first part of the book, Kline outlines the 10 components that create a TE: attention, incisive questions, equality, appreciation, ease, encouragement, feelings, information sometimes, place, and diversity.
The first two components of attention and incisive questions are the most important: Whilst demonstrating that they are being attentive to the speaker, the listener must ensure that they allow individuals to speak uninterrupted. By doing so, individuals are more likely to feel free to allow their mind to consider possibilities that they would never have considered if they had been interrupted or felt limited by time. Nancy Kline neatly names the habit of interrupting as “verbal tailgating”.
The model of incisive questions is explored in the second part of the book under the “Thinking Partnership”: Kline explains how limiting beliefs can be identified and then removed through the use of Incisive Questions. This is a key technique that is used to open up the thinker to reach more substantial conclusions or insight in their key issues.
In the second half of the book, Kline describes how the TE can been applied in organisations, and describes a model that can make meetings become more effective. The model for a Thinking Partnership is accompanied by a case study which brings the power of the intervention to life. In essence, the Thinking Partnership could be described as a model for a coaching session.
In the final part of the book, Kline describes how the TE can be applied in a range of settings: health, education, politics, relationships and the family.
Who should read this book?
Although many of aspects of this book can be adopted by anyone, I would particularly recommend it to managers, trainers and coaches. I feel that there are many good elements of this book that can be utilised, if used in combination with other approaches such as Motivational Interviewing.
Summary
I found this book extremely interesting. It proposes a fresh approach to listening and argues that having positive approach to issues can enable them to overcome any manner of difficulty.
The tools and techniques that Kline describes in this book can be readily used within a coaching and / or training environment. Whilst Kline recommends that for the TE to be fully effective, all 10 components need to be present, I have chosen to take the key tools and techniques presented to use in my own work both as a coach and trainer: most notably the "ice-breaker" technique that is deployed at the beginning of meetings and the use of Incisive Questions.
However, I felt the book lost some of its credibility in the chapter regarding Health. In this chapter, NK describes the awful experience she had in her 20s when she is faced with life threatening cancer. She goes on to explain that her choice to refuse medication and instead to think positively enabled her to survive. Whilst this is an incredible story, I found this difficult to reconcile having worked in the NHS for over 10 years.
On the whole, this is a powerful book, with new insights into empowering individuals to achieve more by making conscious decisions in their own lives and fro this reason I would recommend this book.
Overall rating: 8/10
Friday 13 November 2009
Celebrating 5 years of tolerance.
I'm asking you to indulge me with this blog post. Today I am celebrating 5 year's of marriage and I felt that it was worth marking the occaision by writing about it.
Earlier this week, I asked the Other Half, what did he think the key ingredients were to our marriage? He replied "Trust, Honest, Respect....and Tolerance". We both laughed for a moment, but then I said "I think you're right, I think that being tolerant with each other has been fundamental".
I've written before on Minerva's Mind, about how my husband and I have a number of common interests including the Great Amercian Drama and the love of good food (tonight we will be sharing a Chateaubriand at a fabulous restaurant). But that's not what keeps us together: it's our ability to rise above the daily battles.
I'll give you a couple of examples: My hubbie believes that there is an exact method for stacking dishes in the dishwasher. I personally believe that time is more important than the effort required to ensure that I am maximising the use of the dishwasher; A more generic example is my laid-back attitude versus my husband's risk-averse approach to life. How do we get around these daily conflicts? Tolerance.
After five year's of marriage, we now have two small children. They drain us of energy but they also give us so much pleasure. But everyone knows that when we're tired, we're less tolerant. My hubbie and I constantly remind ourselves of our need to be role models for them. We support each other when faced with challenging situations as we try our best to respond appropriately. By doing this, we teach our children the importance of tolerance.
I chose to write about how important tolerance is in our marriage, as I think without it we wouldn't have survived. But it's just one of the many things that I value in our relationship. This isn't a blog about "love conquers all", but something much more than that. My hubbie is my best friend, the person who keeps me grounded and always brings me chocolate when I most need it. Here's to another five years.
Earlier this week, I asked the Other Half, what did he think the key ingredients were to our marriage? He replied "Trust, Honest, Respect....and Tolerance". We both laughed for a moment, but then I said "I think you're right, I think that being tolerant with each other has been fundamental".
I've written before on Minerva's Mind, about how my husband and I have a number of common interests including the Great Amercian Drama and the love of good food (tonight we will be sharing a Chateaubriand at a fabulous restaurant). But that's not what keeps us together: it's our ability to rise above the daily battles.
I'll give you a couple of examples: My hubbie believes that there is an exact method for stacking dishes in the dishwasher. I personally believe that time is more important than the effort required to ensure that I am maximising the use of the dishwasher; A more generic example is my laid-back attitude versus my husband's risk-averse approach to life. How do we get around these daily conflicts? Tolerance.
After five year's of marriage, we now have two small children. They drain us of energy but they also give us so much pleasure. But everyone knows that when we're tired, we're less tolerant. My hubbie and I constantly remind ourselves of our need to be role models for them. We support each other when faced with challenging situations as we try our best to respond appropriately. By doing this, we teach our children the importance of tolerance.
I chose to write about how important tolerance is in our marriage, as I think without it we wouldn't have survived. But it's just one of the many things that I value in our relationship. This isn't a blog about "love conquers all", but something much more than that. My hubbie is my best friend, the person who keeps me grounded and always brings me chocolate when I most need it. Here's to another five years.
Sunday 8 November 2009
On Being Busy
I normally post one, if not two, blogs per week. But this last week I have been incredibly busy, and have not found the time to sit and write. I usually have a number of blogs in draft format, but I felt that I didn't have the time to turn these drafts into finished articles.
This led me to think about a conversation I had earlier in the week with a fellow coach. She had been disturbed by a comment from a coach within her network who implied that clients only go to coaches who are "sorted". My friend felt that as human beings, we can never be "sorted" one hundred percent of the time. In fact, if we give off the notion that we are always "sorted" then perhaps that makes us appear superficial. In the course of our conversation, I said that I agreed. This post is my testimonial to my friend.
How did I get to be so busy? Well, one of my clients has recently asked me to take on a huge piece of work at short notice with a tight deadline. I have a number of work commitments with another client that I need to prepare for. Although I have known about these commitments for some time, the brief had not been finalised and so I did not want to commence any work until I knew exactly what was required of me. Earlier in the week, I had a business meeting regarding another of my business ventures. At the end of the meeting there was considerable work to be done: I am passionate about this particular venture and so want to invest my time in making it a success. And on top of that, my daughter turned four. We ended up celebrating the event all week due to all the different family and friend events that we had to "stage-manage".
One of the aims behind setting up my own company was to ensure that I had a manageable work-life balance and I promised myself that I wouldn't work too hard. This last week I put in about 60 hours of work. It doesn't look like I'm keeping that promise to myself!
And the thing is, this isn't the first time in the last year that I've suddenly found myself working all hours. The difference this time is that I'm in control. The only milestone I missed was posting a blog. In previous occasions, I found my stress levels rising, I wasn't paying appropriate attention to my children, and I generally wasn't a fun mum / wife / friend to be around. But the fact that I recovered from these difficult periods, reflected on what had happened and thought about how to avoid it next time means that I've grown stronger as an individual.
I don't think that I'm a "sorted" person, but I listen to myself and those closest to me. I grow from my own personal experience. And that's one of the aspects that is central to my coaching practice. I think this makes me more credible to my clients than appearing to be "sorted" all the time.
This led me to think about a conversation I had earlier in the week with a fellow coach. She had been disturbed by a comment from a coach within her network who implied that clients only go to coaches who are "sorted". My friend felt that as human beings, we can never be "sorted" one hundred percent of the time. In fact, if we give off the notion that we are always "sorted" then perhaps that makes us appear superficial. In the course of our conversation, I said that I agreed. This post is my testimonial to my friend.
How did I get to be so busy? Well, one of my clients has recently asked me to take on a huge piece of work at short notice with a tight deadline. I have a number of work commitments with another client that I need to prepare for. Although I have known about these commitments for some time, the brief had not been finalised and so I did not want to commence any work until I knew exactly what was required of me. Earlier in the week, I had a business meeting regarding another of my business ventures. At the end of the meeting there was considerable work to be done: I am passionate about this particular venture and so want to invest my time in making it a success. And on top of that, my daughter turned four. We ended up celebrating the event all week due to all the different family and friend events that we had to "stage-manage".
One of the aims behind setting up my own company was to ensure that I had a manageable work-life balance and I promised myself that I wouldn't work too hard. This last week I put in about 60 hours of work. It doesn't look like I'm keeping that promise to myself!
And the thing is, this isn't the first time in the last year that I've suddenly found myself working all hours. The difference this time is that I'm in control. The only milestone I missed was posting a blog. In previous occasions, I found my stress levels rising, I wasn't paying appropriate attention to my children, and I generally wasn't a fun mum / wife / friend to be around. But the fact that I recovered from these difficult periods, reflected on what had happened and thought about how to avoid it next time means that I've grown stronger as an individual.
I don't think that I'm a "sorted" person, but I listen to myself and those closest to me. I grow from my own personal experience. And that's one of the aspects that is central to my coaching practice. I think this makes me more credible to my clients than appearing to be "sorted" all the time.
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