How to make a successful New Year's Resolution

It's that time of year when we start to think about making New Year's Resolutions. I can almost hear you groan...."What's the point? New Year's Resolutions are almost always broken before we reach the end of January." But before we start, I just want to say that for the last five years, I have successfully kept my New Year's Resolutions. I'll share the secret of my success with you shortly.

Most of the articles you read about New Year's Resolutions encourage the reader to make their resolutions as robust as a "SMART" objective. These articles encourage you to have a date by when you'll have achieved your goal, be clear in what you want to achieve etc. For example, the Efficiency Coach recently wrote the following:

"Did you know that only about 3% of adults have clear, written goals?

These people accomplish five to ten times as much as people of equal ability and standing, but who, have never taken the time to write out exactly what they want to achieve.... "

So, we're all encouraged to write SMART resolutions, but most of us, apparently, seem unable to do so.

And then, most articles fail to discuss or give us advice on how to overcome barriers and challenges. There's nothing more depressing that failing to keep your New Year's Resolution within the first few weeks of the New Year. As soon as you break it, or have a minor blip, your confidence drops; you doubt your ability to sustain the energy required to make your resolution successful. And so, most people give up.

Not me: I break all the rules when making my New Year's Resolutions. My resolution for the last five years have been "To become a better cook". There's nothing specific about this resolution: cooking requires a massive range of skills from baking, to slow cooking. This resolution does not define or restrict me in any way. I don't have to work at it every day - or even every week. Some weeks when work is really busy, I don't have time to indulge myself in my hobby. There's no timescale: so as long as I judge myself to be a better cook than 364 days ago, then my resolution has been successful.

So my advice is as follows:
1. Do something that will involve gradual improvement over the year.
2. Keep it vague.
3. Don't commit yourself in terms of time.

In case you're interested, I've decided to have a different New Year's Resolution this year: To consider living abroad.

Let me know what New Year's Resolutions you've made this year.

When it's difficult to find the right words

Last week a close family friend, Adelaide, died. My daughter was named after her. This blog is about how I supported Adelaide's daughter to find the right words to say at her funeral this week.

My husband recieved a call: "Tell me what I should say about Adelaide". He replied along the lines of "I'll have to think about it - I'll speak to Karen and we'll call you back". I responded by saything that I'd visit her at the weekend, kids in tow: they always bring light to a sad situation.

And on Sunday afternoon, Adelaide's daughter and I got onto the conversation of what she should say at the funeral. I could think of a thousand wonderful sentiments, but from my perspective, it was important that Adelaide's daughter came up with the right words and wonderful memories that should be shared with family and friends. Adelaide's daughter was so struck with grief that she found it too hard to do this by herself.

I felt that this was an area where my coaching skills would be of benefit. I thought of a number of key questions, which I worked through with Adelaide's daughter:
"What brought a twinkle to her eyes?"
"What was it that was special about Adelaide that made your dad want to make her his wife?"
"What did you mum give you when you needed it most?"
"What did all the staff in her care home say about her when they were consoling you?"

Each question lead to another one, and within 30 minutes we had a reasonable list of interests, personal qualtities and reasons why we will miss her. It sounds easy when I put it down in writing. But it was important that we approached this with the right sentiment: we ended the conversation celebrating a life as we moved our emotions from grief to temporary happiness.

Adelaide's daughter thanked me as I left. I only contributed one memory to the list: she was an avid ballroom dancer in her youth: she would have beaten off all the competition in Strictly!

So, my thoughts this week are for a life that has passed: Although I have only known Adelaide for 9 years, I will miss her and her sense of humour. I will miss our chats whilst we waited for everybody else to arrive at the dinner table. I will miss the fact that my children will never know her. This blog is for you, Adelaide.

The Importance of Belonging

This is the first year since I first started work that I've not been employed by an organisation around christmas time.

I realised in early november that I wouldn't get an christmas party invite this year. In an attempt to overcome this I approached the Directors of a consultancy company that I work for suggesting that we held a party for all the Associates. After deliberation, they informed me that they were extremely busy in the weeks leading up to christmas and so no, there would be no party this year. However, they did offer to take my husband and I out to dinner in the New Year to say thank you for all the hard work and support that I've offered them over the last year. Whilst I'm looking forward to this evening, I still felt the absence of a works christmas party.


As a student at the University of East London, one of my student colleauges arranged a christmas dinner after class one Saturday. I eagerly accepted, and 8 of us had a very enjoyable evening. I felt part of a team, an equal with a group of people with whom I have shared interests. It wasn't quite the same as a works christmas party, as we all departed for home at 7pm!


I've found myself giving gifts to teams that I'm currently working with. For example, I am a Parent Govenor of a pre-school and nursery. I thought that the top team proably won't get many gifts, so I've bought them some festive chocolates. My generousity has partially alleviated the gap in my life that would normally be filled by knowing I have a works christmas party to attend. I spent some time this last week trying to understand why I was feeling this dissonance. Why does this really matter to me?

I think it's becuase everybody has the need to belong, to feel that they part of a bigger whole. At christmas this is publically displayed through the works christmas party. Whilst as an individual we may choose not to attend, or we attend, but leave early - we still want to be invited. We still need that public acknowledgement that we are part of a particular team.

I've become conscious of the fact that my actions are being driven by the need to belong to a team at this time of year. I am a team of one. My relationships with organisations and others is significantly different this year. And what do I consider is the impact of this? This has meant that I've been more generous than in previous years. Perhaps this year has brought out a better side of me?

Christmas is a time for giving and showing those that are close to us that we care. I hope that you all had an enjoyable christmas party, and that you have a full and meaningful christmas.

Renewing old friendships through LinkedIn

A truly wonderful thing happened earlier this week. On Monday morning, I sat down at my desk and commenced the week by checking my emails: I had an invite to connect from an old friend, Ulrike who I hadn't spoken or written to in almost 14 years!

Those who have read my previous blogs will know that I spent a year living in Bogota, Colombia. It was part of a Youth Culture Exchange Scheme. I was one of 20 internationals who were placed with Colombian families and undertook voluntary work for one year. The eldest daughter in my Colombian family was living in Germany for the year, and in that family, the son was placed with a family in Mexico, etc. I was the only Brit who went to Colombia that year, and I only met one other Brit in the entire twelve months. It was, without doubt, the most profound year of my life: difficult but it was incredibly rewarding. I met some fantastic people during that year and made some fabulous friends. Ulrike, who was from Germany was my best friend.

In the world of South America, the commonalities between the British and German cultures quickly became apparent, and I think that's what first drew me to Ulrike. And the fact that we both had interesting love-lives that year! When I think of Ulrike, I am reminded of a kind, generous, interesting, and intelligent person who enjoys life.

When I came back to England, I moved to London and started my first year of "real" work. That year was equally tough, but not so rewarding. I struggled with trying to find a career, had little money, lived in less-than-desirable houses and tried to make sense out of my love-life. With so much going on, I lost touch with all of my Colombian friends. Over the years I've thought about them a lot, and I've missed key people, such as Ulrike.

Naturally, I readily accepted my invitation to connect. And in doing so, it made me think a bit further about the potential of LinkedIn. Kate and I have been experimenting with networking recently: we're each exploring different avenues to try and determine their potential. We both recently attended a networking event about how to make the most out of LinkedIn for your business. It only became apparent to me this week the incredible potential that LinkedIn has to reconnect with old friends: I've spent the last week getting in touch with people that I failed to find via Facebook.

Move over Facebook....LinkedIn is my new social networking application of choice.

Reflections on my first year in business: Part 1

It's almost a year since I set myself up as a HR Consultant and Coaching Pscyhologist. As always, I am reflecting back on the year, and in particular thinking about those individuals who have supported me.

To provide some context, I have to say that I have had an extremely successful year. I have more than doubled my projected turnover. Earlier this year, I increased my availability as I was getting more offers of work than I could possibly take on. As I write, I find myself facing the same situation again. I feel lucky that I'm in a position, in the middle of recession, to be able to turn down work.

I couldn't have acheived this without a good friend of mine. I first met him when I worked with him a few years ago. He found me when I was burnt-out and jaded. He gave me two key pieces of advice: Leave your job and go free-lance. And get some more qualifications.

At the time I said "I'm pregnant (with my second child), I'm moving house and I just want some stability". He silently nodded, but over the next few months, he doggedly pestered me about putting his advice into practice. Each time we met, he would find an excuse to give me some practical lessons on how to run a consultancy. He taught me about pricing, contract management etc. I kept saying to him "I'll think about it when I go on Maternity Leave", but I was interested and I did listen to him.

Before my maternity leave had finished, I had started a Masters Degree in Coaching Pyschology. I had found some "spare" time and had undertaken some consultancy work. I left my old job and haven't looked back.

During this year, the two Directors at Consulting at 216 (www.consultingat216.com) have given me tremendous support. I have known both of them for years, but our relationship has changed as I now work as a Associate for this consultancy company. They have taught me how to manage client relationships, and how to deliver a first-class, professional service. Their advice is constructive and meaningful: without them, I wouldn't keep pushing to raise my own standards.

Each morning, I wake up and I look forward to work (again). I have learnt so much this last year, both from the contracts that I have undertaken and from my Masters Degree course. I feel alive, vibrant, and most importantly, current.

My friend who found me burnt-out and jaded could obviously see my potential. I'm so glad that I took his advice. I hope that this coming year is just as fruitful and successful.

How can I fight commercialism?

Recently, my daughter turned four. On the eve of her birthday I was wrapping her presents. She had chosen the majority of them, but we had also bought a few extra that we thought she'd enjoy (and also of educational value!). As I wrapped them, I reflected on the fact that all the presents my daughter had chosen were from known brands - Ben 10, High School Musical, Toy Story etc. Whilst I approved of all the toys we had bought, I began to wonder: Has my soon-to-be four year old been exposed so much to commercialism that it's already demonstrating its influence over her choices at such a young age? Am I a bad mum for allowing this to happen?

I took a step back and began to think more about her choice of presents.

One of the biggest presents was her High School Musical Outfit (including the pom-poms). Those who are my friend on facebook know that I'm a fan of HSM - we regularly play the CD at home. The outfit idea had come from one of her friends at nursery,who had worn her HSM outfit (including the pom-poms) one day. Although my daughter said nothing at the time, she obviously coverted the red sparkly leotard. Dress up and role-play is an important part of her development. Currently, she will only wear her reindeer and fairy outfits - so I welcomed her request for another dressing-up outfit as this will broader her creative play.

As I looked at her toys, I began to notice that the common theme here that my daughter is influenced by her peers (that explains the Ben 10 watch). How can I fight commercialism where the marketing is so integral to society it infiltrates our nurseries?

And then I caught sight of the Beyonce CD. Where did this inspiration come from? I have a degree in Music and I love listening to all types of music. We regularly play CDs during mealtimes, and currently it ranges from Abba, to Ray Charles to Tchaikovsky's Ballet Suites. But Beyonce doesn't really have a place in our music collection.

Then I remembered: earlier this year, I took my daughter to a "proper" hairdressers for the first time. I was worried about how she would react, so I "bigged" it up, and she was very excited about being treated like a princess. As we waited for our appointment, Beyonce's "Single Ladies" played on the video. Admittedly it's a great video (it did win the MTV Music Video of the Year award) and my daughter sat captivated. Subsequently, she now recognises most of Beyonce's songs. She asked me to play Beyonce one mealtime, and I explained that I couldn't as we didn't own any of her songs. That's when she asked me to buy her the CD for her birthday. How could I refuse?

I could go on....but the bottom line is that she loves all the toys that she asked for and has played with them endlessly since her birthday.

So, in essence, I don't think I'm a bad mum. I'm now more aware that my daughter is influenced by everything and everyone around her, and I can't control that. My role is ensuring that she maintains a balanced approach to life and is aware of incredible influence that marketing / commercialism has on our lives. Wish me luck!

How to tell a story

Last year I watched both of the Truman Capote Films: Capote (2005), staring Philip Seymour Hoffman who won an Oscar for his performance and Infamous (2006). Both films covered the period of Truman Capote's life when he was researching the book "In Cold Blood".

What struck me most about these films is how Capote would use social gatherings, parties, or dinner parties to refine his stories through orally telling his friends about the subjects of his current book. Each time he told the story he noted the reaction of the audience and this influenced his sentence construction and phrasing to enable maximum impact to the reader.

I recalled this fine art of story-telling as I prepared this week for a workshop for staff who are currently undergoing an organisation restructure. All the staff are having to apply for new posts in their department and my workshop is to support them through this process so that they are able to effectively demonstrate their skills, experience and abilities.

One of the key elements whilst preparing for an interview or any type of selection process is to practice "out-loud" the responses to key questions. We often find that we've constructed an excellent reponse in our minds, but frequently this response does not sound as good when we hear it out loud for the first time.

I encourage participants to find some private space - either in the car, or in the shower for example, and to use this space to recite their stories out loud. The key is to repeat the stories over and over - ensuring that the story reaches a conclusive end. Refine the story as you practice it, and the more you do, the more embedded the story will become.

When faced with a couple interviewers, candidates often feel nervous and their minds "go-blank". With well rehearsed stories, answers spring to mind easily and the delivery is well prepared: it demonstrates the point, highlights the learning that occured and shows the interviews both the level of skills / experience as well as the ability to reflect and learn.

So, I think that Truman Capote sets us a good example. We may not be as literary competent as he is, but we can learn from his methodology about how to make the most of our own stories.

Book Review - Time to Think by Nancy Kline

Title of publication: Time To Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind

Author: Nancy Kline

Publisher: Ward Lock, London, 1999

Price: £9.99

Summary of Content

This book introduces Nancy Kline’s model of the Thinking Environment (TE). The premise is that with a certain set of conditions in place, the human mind will have the ability to think more effectively and independently. Kline argues that it is important to develop a TE in everything that we do, because “until we are able to think for ourselves, our dreams are not free to unfold”

In the first part of the book, Kline outlines the 10 components that create a TE: attention, incisive questions, equality, appreciation, ease, encouragement, feelings, information sometimes, place, and diversity.

The first two components of attention and incisive questions are the most important: Whilst demonstrating that they are being attentive to the speaker, the listener must ensure that they allow individuals to speak uninterrupted. By doing so, individuals are more likely to feel free to allow their mind to consider possibilities that they would never have considered if they had been interrupted or felt limited by time. Nancy Kline neatly names the habit of interrupting as “verbal tailgating”.

The model of incisive questions is explored in the second part of the book under the “Thinking Partnership”: Kline explains how limiting beliefs can be identified and then removed through the use of Incisive Questions. This is a key technique that is used to open up the thinker to reach more substantial conclusions or insight in their key issues.

In the second half of the book, Kline describes how the TE can been applied in organisations, and describes a model that can make meetings become more effective. The model for a Thinking Partnership is accompanied by a case study which brings the power of the intervention to life. In essence, the Thinking Partnership could be described as a model for a coaching session.

In the final part of the book, Kline describes how the TE can be applied in a range of settings: health, education, politics, relationships and the family.

Who should read this book?

Although many of aspects of this book can be adopted by anyone, I would particularly recommend it to managers, trainers and coaches. I feel that there are many good elements of this book that can be utilised, if used in combination with other approaches such as Motivational Interviewing.


Summary

I found this book extremely interesting. It proposes a fresh approach to listening and argues that having positive approach to issues can enable them to overcome any manner of difficulty.

The tools and techniques that Kline describes in this book can be readily used within a coaching and / or training environment. Whilst Kline recommends that for the TE to be fully effective, all 10 components need to be present, I have chosen to take the key tools and techniques presented to use in my own work both as a coach and trainer: most notably the "ice-breaker" technique that is deployed at the beginning of meetings and the use of Incisive Questions.

However, I felt the book lost some of its credibility in the chapter regarding Health. In this chapter, NK describes the awful experience she had in her 20s when she is faced with life threatening cancer. She goes on to explain that her choice to refuse medication and instead to think positively enabled her to survive. Whilst this is an incredible story, I found this difficult to reconcile having worked in the NHS for over 10 years.

On the whole, this is a powerful book, with new insights into empowering individuals to achieve more by making conscious decisions in their own lives and fro this reason I would recommend this book.


Overall rating: 8/10

Celebrating 5 years of tolerance.

I'm asking you to indulge me with this blog post. Today I am celebrating 5 year's of marriage and I felt that it was worth marking the occaision by writing about it.

Earlier this week, I asked the Other Half, what did he think the key ingredients were to our marriage? He replied "Trust, Honest, Respect....and Tolerance". We both laughed for a moment, but then I said "I think you're right, I think that being tolerant with each other has been fundamental".

I've written before on Minerva's Mind, about how my husband and I have a number of common interests including the Great Amercian Drama and the love of good food (tonight we will be sharing a Chateaubriand at a fabulous restaurant). But that's not what keeps us together: it's our ability to rise above the daily battles.

I'll give you a couple of examples: My hubbie believes that there is an exact method for stacking dishes in the dishwasher. I personally believe that time is more important than the effort required to ensure that I am maximising the use of the dishwasher; A more generic example is my laid-back attitude versus my husband's risk-averse approach to life. How do we get around these daily conflicts? Tolerance.

After five year's of marriage, we now have two small children. They drain us of energy but they also give us so much pleasure. But everyone knows that when we're tired, we're less tolerant. My hubbie and I constantly remind ourselves of our need to be role models for them. We support each other when faced with challenging situations as we try our best to respond appropriately. By doing this, we teach our children the importance of tolerance.

I chose to write about how important tolerance is in our marriage, as I think without it we wouldn't have survived. But it's just one of the many things that I value in our relationship. This isn't a blog about "love conquers all", but something much more than that. My hubbie is my best friend, the person who keeps me grounded and always brings me chocolate when I most need it. Here's to another five years.

On Being Busy

I normally post one, if not two, blogs per week. But this last week I have been incredibly busy, and have not found the time to sit and write. I usually have a number of blogs in draft format, but I felt that I didn't have the time to turn these drafts into finished articles.

This led me to think about a conversation I had earlier in the week with a fellow coach. She had been disturbed by a comment from a coach within her network who implied that clients only go to coaches who are "sorted". My friend felt that as human beings, we can never be "sorted" one hundred percent of the time. In fact, if we give off the notion that we are always "sorted" then perhaps that makes us appear superficial. In the course of our conversation, I said that I agreed. This post is my testimonial to my friend.

How did I get to be so busy? Well, one of my clients has recently asked me to take on a huge piece of work at short notice with a tight deadline. I have a number of work commitments with another client that I need to prepare for. Although I have known about these commitments for some time, the brief had not been finalised and so I did not want to commence any work until I knew exactly what was required of me. Earlier in the week, I had a business meeting regarding another of my business ventures. At the end of the meeting there was considerable work to be done: I am passionate about this particular venture and so want to invest my time in making it a success. And on top of that, my daughter turned four. We ended up celebrating the event all week due to all the different family and friend events that we had to "stage-manage".

One of the aims behind setting up my own company was to ensure that I had a manageable work-life balance and I promised myself that I wouldn't work too hard. This last week I put in about 60 hours of work. It doesn't look like I'm keeping that promise to myself!

And the thing is, this isn't the first time in the last year that I've suddenly found myself working all hours. The difference this time is that I'm in control. The only milestone I missed was posting a blog. In previous occasions, I found my stress levels rising, I wasn't paying appropriate attention to my children, and I generally wasn't a fun mum / wife / friend to be around. But the fact that I recovered from these difficult periods, reflected on what had happened and thought about how to avoid it next time means that I've grown stronger as an individual.

I don't think that I'm a "sorted" person, but I listen to myself and those closest to me. I grow from my own personal experience. And that's one of the aspects that is central to my coaching practice. I think this makes me more credible to my clients than appearing to be "sorted" all the time.

Mummy - You're speaking Dora!

I was rubbish at languages when I was at school. When I had the opportunity for a year abroad, I chose somewhere where I could become competent in their language within a year - which is how I ended up living in Bogota, Colombia. I think I achieved my aim, as by the time I left I would be dreaming in Spanish. I love the language, its turn of phrase and its fluidity.

Having this second language is useful. On this last holiday I used it when we arrived: I spoke to our taxi driver in Spanish to make sure he didn't fleece us. As we got to the hotel he told me it was closed! He then explained it was part of a chain. He drove us to the next hotel and I asked him to wait with hubbie and kids in the car. I spoke "extremely fluent" spanish to the receptionist who was able to explain our booking had moved to another hotel. I was also able to translate what has happening to a pair of Russian girls in the same circumstances. Being able to do this made a stressful situation less stressful.

In previous years my spanish was particularly useful when we got stranded at a local tourist site in the middle of Cuba. I was able to hitch a lift off some local lads. In Seville, I managed to negotiate a cot for our hotel room which somehow had been "lost" from our hotel booking. In Malaga, I got away with a major "scratch" on my hire car when I returned it to the rental place at the airport.

However, what I love most of all about speaking spanish is that I'm a role model for my daughter. Whilst trying to reclaim one of my son's baby spoons which had been cleared away accidentally by the waiters in our hotel (una cucharada blanca por un bebe con una pollito amarillo), my daughter kept saying to me "Mummy - you're speaking Dora". It wasn't particularly helpful at the time, but she made me realise how important it was that I could "speak Dora".

I then noticed that my daughter had started to seek out situations with the hotel maids to say "Hola!" She was frequently disappointed when they didn't hear her, or they were already engaged in conversation with someone else. And now, back home, she keeps singing a spanish song that they played every night at the Mini-Disco.

Following on from the holiday, I'm feel ecouraged to maintain my daughter's motivation. I have overcome my challenges as a teenager and I feel confident speaking another language. I want to support and develop both my children so that they are able to speak a second language with ease. Not only is is practical, but it's empowering.

Managing Relationships at Work

There's been some debate recently in the Guardian newspaper about "How to be a Good Leader and Develop Relationships at Work". I thought I'd use this week's blog to outline my thoughts on this.

For me, it's about developing a connection with the other person, and doing this before an issue arises - whether it be an issue relating to performance, or as a result of organisational change.

For example, I managed one member of staff with whom I had nothing in common, with the exception that we both loved "Big Brother". So every summer, we would catch up every day to talk about the activities and highlights in the house the day before. For 8 - 12 weeks (depending on the length of the series) each year we connected for five minutes each day. For the rest of the year, we didn't have anything to talk about. Occaisionally we discussed the lastest news we'd heard, and once she asked if she could take a career break if she was successful in becoming a house-mate. But in essence, this connection meant that we had a relationship.

Having an avid interest in "Big Brother" meant that:
a) we both had something to say on the topic - so it wasn't a one sided conversation;
b) that we wanted to hear to each other's point of view: we showed respect and "actively listened";
c) we were able to enter into friendly debates - as the subject matter was neutral. The debates were animated, but in a healthy and mature way.

In essence, by choosing a neutral topic that we were both passionate about meant that we were able to develop our relationship. We didn't have a superficial relationship, we had a relationship that was able to withstand vivicious and lively interactions.

A few years later, this member of staff's health started to suffer. It was easier for me to manage this situation due to the relationship we had developed. She knew that I would listen to her, that I was being sincere, or that I was telling her a key piece of information that she needed to consider. She knew this as she had seen me communicate with her in this way before and could trust her gut reactions to my messages.

Trying to develop a relationship once there are already signs that it has broken down is so much harder. The individual will not be able to effectively decode your body language or facial expressions as they have no past history with which to compare this data. They feel in their gut mistrust, anxiety or doubt and they have no reference point by which to know whether or not these are the appropriate feelings to have. I would still urge leaders / managers in these situations to continue to build or restore the relationship, but be aware that it will take much longer to reach a place where there is mutual trust and respect.

Every day at work try and "touch base" with every member of your team. Start off with a simple "hello"; asking how they are and what they've been up to. Before long, you will both discover something that you have in common. Use this to develop a special connection between you and your member of staff. Developing a relationship with your staff should be this easy.

Does your job role affect the way you think?

I have recently completed the delivery of a two-day management development programme across two NHS Trusts. The key theme ran through-out the course that I had not previously encountered despite having worked in or with the NHS for the last 10 years: the participants responded differently to the different exercises depending on the type of role they undertook.

The programme was jointly commissioned by two Trusts, but attendance was not mixed. Therefore, one programme had participants who held commissioning, public health or finance roles; the other programme was attended by staff who undertook clinical duties but also were expected to undertake a managerial / leadership role within their designated clinical area.

Commissioners are expected to analyse data, consider the details, ensure that they have the full range of facts in the context of the bigger picture before making any decisions. Clinicians generally see issues at face value. In other words, they call a spade "a spade", whilst commissioners will call it "a rectangle flat metal sheet attached to wooden pole whilst enables a worker to dig."

When we came to do some case studies, the reactions from the two types of participants differed. For example: one of the first questions to a case study was "Where does this behaviour take place?". The clinicians easily responded "The ward". The comissioners usually asked "There's not enough information in this case study" or "What does this question mean? Can you explain it more fully?" We adapted how we introduced each exercise to ensure that the participants understood each activity and the questions.

But this has led me to reflect on the issue of does a job role affect the way that an individual thinks? I think that there are three possible conclusions that I can draw:

1) Research has shown that a manager is mostly likely to recruit a member of staff who is similar to them;
2) Certain role roles attract candidates who enjoy using a particular set of skills and abilities
3) MBTI research has shown that certain jobs and organisational cultures make individuals think or behave in a particular way;

These different conclusions can be explained using MBTI types:

A commissioner is more likely to be an INTJ: they look for the bigger picture, are objective and organised. They rely on their thought-processes to analyse issues before determinig what the preferable outcome should be. A Director of Commissioning usually displays these traits and is most likely to recruit similar minded individuals to their team; A junior commissioner is drawn to this role as they enjoy a job where there is analytical data, they can challenge in an objective manner and use their decision-making skills. This junior commissioner who is recruited is an ISTJ: they focus on the detail. As they grow as a commissioner they are encouraged through their 1:1s, appraisals and personal development plan to develop an ability to see the bigger picture and it is highly likely that their MBTI type will change to INTJ.

I have already shared some of my observations from this management development programme with some fellow trainers also working with the NHS: Not only does a job role affect the way that a manager thinks, it also impacts on the successful delivery of any development intervention. So, when next preparing for workshop, bear in mind not only the content of the course to ensure it's applicable to the audience, but how their role role affects the way the participants think and adapt the exercises accordingly.

When the Feedback Sandwich becomes Cheese-on-Toast

The Feedback Sandwich is one of the most recognised models for giving feedback. For those who aren't familiar with this model, it's a way to highlight an area of performance or behaviour where an individual needs to improve. The "developmental" feedback is presented in the following way:

1) Commence with giving feedback that is positive, complimentary and affirmative about the individual
2) Present a piece of developmental feedback (otherwise known as constructive criticism)
3) Finish with another piece of positive feedback.

I often present this model to junior managers as part of a "Giving Feedback 101" module. But I have often felt that this model is outdated and isn't particularly successful in leading to behavioural change in the person concerned. I have used this model myself when I have been faced with a particularly challenging situation where there's little positive feedback that I can spontaneously and naturally give to an employee. The feedback sandwich forces me to stop and think about the positive elements that this member of staff has brought to the team and their work. It has enabled me to ensure that the member of staff knows that I do value them and their contribution and that I want them to improve.

More recently, I have been exploring the subject of feedback in more depth. I have found it interesting to learn that Nancy Kline in her book "Time to Think" supports the feedback sandwich. But only in the right context.

Fundamental to giving feedback (positive or negative) are three key elements:

1) Good interpersonal skills and a rapport / relationship with the individual
2) Crediblity - both as a giver of feedback and the actual content of the feedback itself.
3) Objectivity.

There are also two other factors that impact on the success of giving feedback: The time that the feedback is received and how the recipient reacts. Feedback is always received subjectively. An individual's reaction will depend on their level of self-esteem and belief in their own capabilities.

Most of us “want” feedback, whether we act on it is a different matter. People like receiving feedback, but there's no link between positive feedback equating to better performance. Equally, there's no link between criticism and worsening performance.

For feedback to have an impact, it needs to be linked to a goal. The reason for this is that feedback is viewed by the recipient as data, whereas a goal is something that can motivate and inspire the individual. Givers of feedback cannot rely on feedback alone to motivate behavioural change. Giving the feedback in the context of a SMART goal will empower the individual to make the necessary behaviour change and ultimately lead to greater performance.

So, my thinking has changed on this subject. In my "Giving Feedback 101" module, I will no longer be teaching the Feedback Sandwich, I will be teaching the Cheese on Toast model: Give feedback using the key elements of good interpersonal skills, credibility, objectivity and in the context of a defined goal.

Shall we get rid of the TV?

I have just come back from a week of late “Summer Sun”. We had a lovely time, lots of r & r and the kids enjoyed playing on the beach and in the pool at the hotel.

Towards the end of the holiday, my husband and I reflected on the fact that we seemed to be going to bed quite early each night and having at least 8 hours sleep. As a result we were feeling that the break had truly recharged our batteries.

So what’s stopping us from adopting these habits when returned home? Our first reaction to this question was that most nights we stayed up watching TV. My hubbie posed the question “Are we addicted to the TV?”. I then boldly suggested “Should we get rid of the TV?”

But before we leapt to any further drastic (!) conclusions, we spent some time analysing what we did most evenings. There are two key things that my husband and I have in common: 1) Food; 2) A love for Great American Drama (Fringe, Surface, Without a Trace, Lost, TrueBlood, Lie to Me, Brothers and Sisters, CSI and CSI NY, Bones......etc) which are religiously recorded on our Sky+ Boxes.

At home each night we usually have about two hours together. In that time, I cook a meal from scratch, we discuss the news from the working day, any gossip from our friends and family and then indulge in one of our favourite past-times: the GAD.

We realised that when we were on holiday all our food was prepared for us; we weren’t in constant contact with friends and family so had little news to share, and we didn’t have the frustrations & challenges of the working day to debate. Instead we had 14 hours every day for a whole week to enjoy each other’s presence – not two precious hours. On holiday, we didn’t have to stay up late just to grab some time together. And that's why I love holidays - spending time with the ones I love the most and the opportunity to reflect on life in general.

So now we’re back home and soon the holiday will fade away into a fond memory with some lovely pictures of the kids on the beach. Meanwhile, tonight we’re back to home cooked food & two Sky+ boxes full of GAD to watch. Which one will it be? .......think it’ll have to be In Treatment.

The compelling reasons for working in the NHS

Today, I celebrate a 10 year relationship with the NHS. I have either worked in or with the NHS over the last 10 years. It's been an incredible decade - I've learnt a lot, grown personally and professionally and I am passionate about the NHS.


As I reflect back, what I find particularly interesting is the fact that so many of my friends have also been drawn to the NHS over time. For example, at University, I lived in a house of 6 girls. Today, four of us work in the NHS. Two of us in HR / OD roles (and our degrees at university were totally unrelated to this field). One is a Clinical Psychologist and the other has just returned to a Director post in an Arms Length Body after a few years in a consultancy role.

So what compells us to have this working relationship with the NHS?

1) The NHS is complex. It can take a while to get your head around the entire system and how the NHS actually works. As a result, working in the NHS is intellectually stimulating. It doesn't matter where you work in the NHS, for each sector it's the same agenda - just each has a different perspective.

2) When you work within the NHS, you learn to work with limited resources. The NHS might be coming out of the "years of plenty" as a result of the credit crunch, but the NHS has never been cash-rich compared to the private sector. As a result, practitioners have to be more creative, thinking beyond the usual "fixing" mechanisms, to find a result or outcome that will be cost effective but still with the same level of impact.

3) There's an incredible sense of altuism. Everyone who works in the NHS feels it. Each Trust has it's own culture, but the sense of altruism is the thread that ties everyone together. This altruism is often displayed as a passion for improving services for patients. Irrespective of what job you do - you want to "make a difference". When I've had a bad day, I remind myself of the end goal, which is always to improve x, or y so that (ultimately) patients benefit. Even in an HR/OD role, you can still make the link back to the patient.

4) The NHS attracts a wide range of different people into its employment. I have worked for a number of Trusts in Inner London, where local recruitment is integral to the resourcing strategy. The employment profile is therefore very diverse. In the last Trust where I held a substantive post, there were more BME staff than there were white staff. And this reflected the ethnic profile of the local population. I have learnt an incredible amount from the rich diversity of staff that I have been lukcy enough to work with.

5) And finally, the ethics of the NHS. (I had a conversation just this last week with an employment solicitor on this topic) Due to the high union presence, there is a requirement (and rightly so) for processes are to be fair and transparent for staff. I feel as an HR Practitioner that through-out any "employee relations" case due regard for an employee's rights and their dignity should remain central. I believe in fairness and equity for all staff and this key principle is fundamental to me as an HR practitioner. I feel that "at home" in the NHS.

These are my top 5 reasons for why I love working with the NHS. Yes, there are also downsides, but at the end of the day I think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. What are your reasons for working in the NHS?

What kind of learner are you?

I was recently discussing "sheep-dip" training with a friend. I believe it is a necessary form of training, but it also has it's pitfalls. My friend told me his theory on participants who attend "sheep-dip" training. He said participants fall into one of three categories:

1) Learner: this participant is there to genuinely learn as much as they can from the session. This type of learner is attentive during the session, gets actively involved in group work and brings high levels of energy into the room.

2) Prisoner: this participant is there because they have been "told" to attend. They don't want to be there and don't see why they need to be there. They don't want to contribute and they will lower the energy levels in the room.

3) Vacationer: the person who's attending because it's an excuse for a "day off " from their normal job. They will get involved, but are not really interested in learning anything - more about having fun and avoiding the work they left behind on their desk.

Understanding which category your learners fall into is crucial when you're delivering "sheep-dip" training. Sometimes the whole room appears to be full of "prisoners": the session will appear to drag, and contributions from participants will be minimal.

Other times you might find your session full of "learners" who are actively engaged in the subject matter; spontaneous and stimulating debates will emerge generating high impact learning around the subject matter.

Next time you're delivering "sheep-dip" training, ask participants

"What kind of learner are you? Prisoner, vacationer or learner?"

This is a quick and easy way to ease the tension in the room - particularly if it is full of prisoners. Not only will this help you - but it will help the participants recognise themselves. And the end result? You'll have more learners in the room than when you started.

A Journey into Private Healthcare

In a couple of weeks I celebrate my 10 year working relationship with the NHS (either working for or with the NHS). I a strong advocate of the NHS, and I have worked with some fantastic clinicians, managers and staff. I don't really believe in private healthcare.

Some of you will be aware that last Christmas I had pneumonia. It was so severe that I spent two days as an inpatient, and was discharged on Christmas Day. The care I received in the hospital was fantastic, although the environment was grim. Also, I was on a mixed ward. The first night I felt uncomfortable, because there were 4 men and 2 women on my ward. The next night the ratios had changed: 5 women and 1 man. I felt a lot more comfortable, but I could tell that the man in the bed opposite certainly didn't.

Anyway, although to a large extent I have recovered from my illness. I still have some pain in my left lung when I cough, sneeze or yawn. It's not acute enough to need to take pain killers, but it's obvious that my lung isn't functioning as well as it should do. So 2 months ago I went back to my GP to discuss this. I had a series of tests in my local primary care centre (all in accordance with best practice and national guidelines) and the outcome was that I'm clear of the infection, but it is suspected that the severity of my pneumonia has caused significant damage that will take some time to heal. I was then given two options:

1) Come back in 2 months time if I don't feel better;

2) Be referred to the consultant at the local hospital for further routine tests. But as this was a minor illness, it is highly likely that I'll be seen by a junior doctor who probably won't know that much about my lungs, and probably won't know any more than my mature, experienced GP.

So I presented a third option. My husband has private healthcare. Could I go down that route? My GP immediately seized on this idea as I would have further tests but be seen by a consultant. And I was lucky enough to be referred to the same consultant that admitted me to an NHS hospital in December. However, I felt like I was betraying my beloved NHS by going down this route.

I presented at my local private hospital two weeks ago and was immediately struck by the differences:

- I was able to park my car easily in the car park

- I didn't have to pay any parking fees

- The reception staff looked very smart in their matching uniforms

- There were lots of reception staff who managed the chaos in the waiting room efficiently

- I was seen on time by my Consultant

- He spent 40 minutes with me

I left with an action plan (ie more diagnostic tests) and a feeling of being impressed by my first experience in private healthcare: I even told my consultant this and gave spontaneous positive feedback to the phlebotomist!

A week later I was back for my CT scan. Again, it was easy to park and I was seen on time. I was impressed by the fact that I could put my belongings in a locked cabinet, and I was given a dressing gown to wear over my radiography gown (unlike in the NHS, where you sit in a corridor with the gown gaping at the back. Some strategic sitting and walking is required in local radiography department).

But this is where the illusion was shattered. (If you're a bit squeamish - then please jump to the next paragraph) Firstly, they had to do the scan twice, as the iodine that they pumped through my body didn't flow quickly enough during the first scan. And secondly, when they took the iodine tube out, blood started to “leak” out of my canula. And when I say “leak” - that's an understatement. The senior radiographer started to panic as she failed to stop the blood flow. There was blood all over the CT bench, the floor, on my hands (I had joined in with the attempt to stop the flow), and additional staff were called in to help. One clinician asked - does this usually happen with you? Of course my answer was "No". We got through quite a few gauzes before the flow was stopped.

I felt a bit rubbish for the rest of the day - but at least I had an excuse to put sugar in my tea and eat lots of chocolate. But it left me pondering why did I feel so let down?

For me the quality of clinical care I receive is my priority, and I felt that I had been let down by receiving poor healthcare during my CT scan. I then realised, that I had irrationally believed that the level of clinical care I would receive during my private healthcare experience would be of a higher quality than the NHS's equivalent. I say irrational - because I work in / with the NHS, and I know that the staff who work in the private sector all trained in the NHS. Consultants in the private sector have to hold an NHS Consultant level post simultaneously.

So what's so great about private healthcare? I now realise that the key difference is customer service. All the things that impressed me are related to customer service. Does this make me superficial or is it that I’ve bought into a world of consumerism? To be honest, I think it’s a bit of both.

The outcome: I’ve stopped feeling guilty about turning my back on the NHS by seeking private healthcare: the nice insurance company are paying for me to have the same quality of treatment as I would have received in the NHS. It’s just in a nicer building, with staff in matching uniforms and I don’t have to pay parking fees. And they're nice when you bleed all over the floor & the equipment.

So I'm back to see the consultant next week. I'll appraoch this next visit with my new insight and I'm hoping for a little less blood loss too.

Be Creative About Staff Development

This post was originally posted on the HR Store blog page. (www.thehrstore.blogspot.com/2009/09/guest-post-be-creative-about-staff)

Recently I have been thinking about how we develop our staff and ourselves. This subject seems to weave it's way into almost every aspect of my work at the moment: I've been delivering appraisal training to several different organisations: a staff's Personal Development Plan is discussed as part of the course; I recently delivered a break-out session at a Coaching conference on Continued Professional Development; and I'm going to be delivering a practical developmental seminar for coaches next month.

In the course of this work, through discussions and feedback from participants, I've begun to realise that there's a real need to change the way that managers approach the development of their staff.

Traditionally, when a manager writes a Personal Development Plan (PDP) as part of their staff's performance appraisal, external training is identified: some kind of taught course, a conference, further education resulting in a recognised qualification.

But at the moment, with the recession still biting at our heels, the organisational development budgets are not as large as they were a few years ago. Managers now need to start considering how to develop their staff in a cost-efficient way. So I'll give you an example:

A junior manager pulled me aside on a training session. He wanted a piece of advice on what course he could send a member of staff on who needed training in how to manage difficult conversations - there were no more places left on the in-house conflict resolution training, and all external courses cost more than his departmental training budget would allow.

So I asked a question: "Who do you know, more senior to you in this organisation, who is able to manage difficult conversations?" The junior manager was quickly able to identify someone.

So I said: "How about you approach this person to ask them if they could support you in developing your member of staff? Let's develop a plan."

1) Your member of staff and the manager will need an initial meeting - to make sure they can work together for this specific development need.

2) Your member of staff will then attend a couple of meetings to observe the manager managing a difficult conversation.

3) The member of staff will meet with the manager again and talk through his observations. The manager will in turn talk through some of the techniques they use to manage difficult conversations.

4) The member of staff will return to the workplace & apply their learning.

5) The member of staff and manager will meet again, perhaps one or two times to consolidate learning: identify any challenges, reflect on application to date, and measure the progress made.

It's quite simple really - and all it will take is the resource of time and commitment from the manager and the member of staff . Some might say that this is a form of mentorship - and I suppose that they would be right. However, this mentor relationship is defined for a specific need, and is time limited. The key benefit is that this form of development opportunity has high impact and is sustainable. The added benefit is the networking opportunities that it creates for the member of staff, and the exposure to a wider range of issues beyond their current sphere of work.

In essence, this idea is based on one of my key principles that development and growth is natural, given the right conditions. Choosing the right role model and having the opportunity to observe, then reflect and discuss with them their approach can happen in any organisation, anywhere. The example I give is just one way that a manager can demonstrate creative thinking when identifying the appropriate learning method to meet a development need.

When you're next completing a Personal Development Plan for a member of your staff - try and think creatively. If you need inspiration - please feel free to ask.

The hidden benefits of free-lancing

Earlier this year I took the plunge and went free-lance. I felt that it was a solid decision to take despite the recession, as I had done my homework and believed that I would be able to attract enough work for this to be a viable work option for me.


I had been encouraged to go free-lance by my mentor. He believed that setting up my own business and working across a range of new organisations would re-energise me. He also suggested that, as it had been some years since I last undertook any formal education, I should consider undertaking further study.

And he was right. Although I'm working harder than I can remember, my work is stimulating, at my convenience and I do feel re-energised.


But the best part about going free-lance? The hidden benefits - the incredible amount of development and learning opportunities I have had. Let me describe these to you:

1) In the last six months, I have worked on key projects with four different HR professionals or coaches that I didn't know a year ago.

In the course of our work, we have had the opportunity to discuss and implement a wide range of ideas, thoughts, and concepts: I have been introduced to new models of behaviour, discovered different ways of approaching certain subjects, experimented (with success) my delivery style when giving training or presentations and delved into the world of social networking. I now co-host an on-line forum called Minerva's Mind (www.facebook.com/minervasmind).

2) I've also been engaged in a range of diverse projects. As par for the course, I've undertaken research on each subject matter in order to develop a greater understanding. On more than one occaision, I have been able to cross-reference my learning across different organisations. In this way, both the client and myself have been the beneficiaries of my learning.

3) At the end of each project, I have disciplined myself to capture the learning opportunities. This is encapsulated either in an "End of Engagement" report or a reflective diary. It is rare "in-service" to define the end-point of a project. They merely fizzle out - or one becomes frustrated with the snagging problems that arise post-implementation. Reflecting back on the decisions that were made (right and wrong), on how successful particular interventions were, and the long-term impact on the client have been fundamental to my learning.

4) I've also developed relationships with a whole range of other individuals who indirectly support my work. This has either been through formal networks such as the CIPD, the University of Hertfordshire's Coaching & Mentoring Forum, or on-line social networking sites such as Twitter.

When I was working "in-service", I did not have the time to network either on-line or off-line. I have learnt an incredible amount from reading other professional's blogs or just chatting to them about how to make the most out of my on-line presence. This part of my development I couldn't have learnt from reading a book; I could only learn about it from interacting with people who share the same challenges, inspirations and goals as I do.

For those who might be wondering - yes - I did go back to University & I'm in the middle of studying for Masters Degree in Coaching Pyschology. This course has been stimulating, and I have learnt an incredible amount. It's also had a tangible and positive impact in my work. But over the last year - the most valuable learning for me has been the informal kind that I've described above.

So, when someone next asks me about my business, and how life is like working for myself, I'm going to tell them about how much I've grown as an individual and a professional over the last few months. This is without doubt, one of the greatest (yet hidden) benefits of going free-lance.

And the most exciting part? This is only the start of the journey.

My Little Bit of English Heaven

As we come to realise that it's the end of Summer, it's the time to reflect back on the last few months. I like to recall those perfect, fantastic moments I had that will always reminds me of Summer 2009.

This year, I will always remember one Wednesday in August. The weather was fantastic and so I seized the opportunity to go to the place I call "My Little Bit of English Heaven".


My old next door neighbour originally told me about this place. When she described it, it sounded idyllic and I was immediately drawn to what it could potentially offer. She doesn't drive and isn't great at directions....but I was determined to find it. I did my research with a map and used some common sense. And on a sunny day in Summer 2008, I bravely set off with my two kids, unsure as to whether or not I was heading to the right place.


After I'd managed to get everyone out of the car, I set off down a country lane. I was relieved to find that the path was robust enough for a buggy. I had prepared for all eventualities, and on my first visit I was carrying my 4 month old baby boy in a sling. But this visit, I enthusiastically pushed the buggy along the lane.


After passing a couple of houses, we walked into a field. You could feel the hush, as the noise fro the traffic from the nearby roads faded into the distance. We walked along, accompanied by the click-clicking of insects and the incessant chatter of my 2 year old. The field then turned into a clearing surrounded by trees. There were hundreds of bunnies, who as soon as they heard us they scurried into the undergrowth.


We reached the river bank a few yards ahead. There was no-one around. We set up a picnic and my daughter spent the next few hours playing in the river, catching tiddlers and generally running around. This was heaven. What more could I ask for? Sun, cold running water to cool down in, tranquillity all within a beautiful setting.


I've been back numerous times. This summer, when the temperature promised to reach 30 degrees, and the Veralanium (St Alban's main park) was full of day-trippers, my Little Bit of English Heaven remained idyllic. This year, I had two children running around, splashing in the river and enjoying a traditionally picnic. It has such a natural appeal that I can see our family visiting this spot for many years.

I would love to tell you where this beautiful place is, but it's best kept as a secret.

Lessons from my vegetable patch

This year, for fun, my daughter and I had a vegetable patch in the corner of our garden. We have grown tomatoes, pumpkins, carrots, lettuce, and one vegetable tbc (yes, I’m not quite sure what we’re growing yet!)


As the vegetable season comes to an end, I have been reflecting on the success of this year's project. And it has been a success. When we commenced on this venture, I did not expect any vegetables to grow. In fact, my garden has been full of life, and I have learnt lessons along the way to improve for next year. As I reflected, I realised that there were a lot of parallels with growing vegetables to friendships. If you indulge me, I will expand below:


Tomatoes:

Without doubt, they should have been crowned my greatest success. 5 out of the 8 tomato plants were grown from seed (I bought three when I had little hope of success earlier in the season). At the high-point, there were about 200 tomatoes growing; some tomatoes were as wide as 5 -6 cms in diameter. But then, almost overnight, the plants died. They caught some kind of fungus.


For me this represents a one facet of friendship - one that is flourishing, but relies heavily upon the environment in which it is growing. Suddenly something comes along (eg the friend moves away, changes jobs) and the friendship finds itself withering away.


Lettuces:

I had three successful lettuce plants that I grew from seed. I had no idea what I was doing, and I just let the plant grow through-out the summer. I never ate any of the leaves, but the lettuce did flower.


My lettuces were like a friendship that develops a life of it's own: it has quietly flourished in my garden for six months and I haven’t spent time nourishing it. But there is potential for further growth through the harvesting of the seeds and another patch of lettuces will grow in my garden next year.

Some friendship grow steadily and quietly. And when they flower, you suddenly realise how much you value them.


Carrots:

I was concerned when I was planting the carrot saplings that they were underdeveloped and had the potential to wither away. So I planted 10 saplings together. All the saplings flourished, but the result was that I had 10 carrots that were growing together in the same small space.


Sometimes you fall in with a group of friends. You develop relationships with all the members of the group - but don't realise the long-term impact of this. The end result is that whist you have a series of superficial relationships, and there isn’t one particular person that you’re close to, or least close enough to call upon in time of need.


Pumpkins:

Who knew how dramatic a pumpkin plant is? I had three plants that I grew from seed. They have large leaves, beautiful yellow flowers and take up most of the vegetable patch (and overflow into next door's garden). The pumpkins are only just beginning to grow.


Is this the flamboyant friend? Is it style over substance? Or will this friend come good by Halloween so that we can make pumpkin lanterns for my daughter, son and their friends?


Vegetable tbc:

I honestly don't know what I'm growing - I lost the label early on in this project. I believe that it's either leeks or courgettes. And it appears to be growing well.


This is the friendship that seems to take a back seat, yet the relationship develops at a steady pace. And it could result in a fantastic friendship - if only it could be defined.


I will try again next year with my vegetable garden and hope to harvest a greater number of veggies. I realise that the friendship types described above don’t cover the many different types of relationships we have in our lives…..I will need a bigger array of vegetables for that!

My main lesson from my vegetable patch? Don't leave friendships to chance.

Introduction to Minerva's Mind

I recently co-founded Minerva's Mind. This is the first blog posted on for our on-line community: www.facebook.com/minervasmind.

May 2006: I had worked hard over the last 10 years to build my career. One month back from my first maternity leave I was appointed to my dream job: Director of HR. Admittedly this was only in an acting capacity - but it carried all the same duties, responsibilities and accountability as a permanent appointment. It just didn't carry the salary and it was temporary in contractual terms. But that didn't matter, this was my "dream job".

And that's when I discovered the glass ceiling. And I struggled with this for some time. I was the first of my close friends to have a child, and so I was trailblazing in a way. But I didn't have anyone to share my emotional and intellectual struggles with. Let me give you a flavour:

1) I was unable to work the long hours that I was accustomed to working before I had my daughter.

Therefore, I felt I wasn't delivering (in terms of work) as much as I was before (pre-children). I was still 110% committed, but had to demonstrate this in a mere 30 hours a week - not the 50+ that I previously worked. I felt I was letting the organisation down as I wasn't able to contribute in terms of my time as much as I had before.

2) I wanted one work-day a week (at least) when I could be with my daughter uninterrupted.

Being in such a responsible position at a time when the organisation was going through a crisis meant that I was needed on a operational basis every day. Although I worked flexibly, and I worked my contractual hours, this did not fit the needs of the organisation (which is incredibly family-friendly). I had a role that required me to be available at all times during the working day to respond to issues. I found this un-workable, as I did not want to sacrifice my time with my daughter.

3) Frustration - 1

Frustration because I knew that I could do the job that I been appointed to - if only I had the time. But I didn't have the time, as I had a beautiful daughter. I felt that the responsibility I had for her was greater than my commitment to my job.

5) Frustration - 2

Frustrated as no-one really seemed to understand what I was going through - including my husband. It was tough at work, due the organisational climate at that time, and I was still adjusting to corporate life with a small child. My husband wanted to spend time with me each evening, but I found myself negotiating with him - putting him last in this triad of conflicting priorities: daughter, work, hubbie.

6) Guilt

Guilty because I was putting my husband last.

7) Anger

I went to an all girls' school, with a philosophy that women can achieve as much as men. No-one ever told me about the glass ceiling. No-one ever told me about the adjustments that I would have to make to my career once I had children. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe that having a child would be that restrictive to my professional career. I thought that having a child would enhance my life as a whole - but in reality, this was at the cost of my career. And that's when I felt anger.

And the end result?

I stood down from the role. Not because of any of the above, but for another reason (professionally related), and this was the best career move I have ever made for a number of reasons. To name a few: it made me take stock of life and I was able to slow-down. I was able to invest time in myself and to come to terms with the glass ceiling.

Since then I have spoken to a range of women that have had similar situations. The factors are not necessarily the same. Often women find they can't go back to work after their second child as the child-care costs are too expensive. Or the commute to work was too far. It is for this reason that I became interested in Maternity Coaching and in particular working with women to become leaders in whatever they choose.

I met my business partner, Kate, because we had similar experiences and had similar interests in coaching. Together we have set up Minerva's Mind - working with women who are facing similar dilemas.

Commencing in October is our Minerva's Mind Coaching Club. The club meets for six group sessions over twelve weeks, where a range of different topics are explored. The groups are small so individual attention can be given to each woman. If a group of women want to know more before committing to our coaching club, we also offer taster evenings.

Please continue to look around our fan page if you want to know more information about Minerva's Mind. Alternatively, please don't hesitate to contact either Kate or myself,

Karen

The Joy of Coaching Part 1

I was drawn to coaching as I knew that I would get great joy from working with individuals to become more empowered, or find greater fulfilment, or wherever their journey would take us. This is the first of a series of articles that I have called "The Joy of Coaching" where I share some of my the amazing coaching experiences.

Let me tell you about a recent client and their coaching journey........

Jane first came to me when her son was six months old. She was due to return to work in a few months time and wanted to talk about managing her work-life balance.

In the first session with my client, I asked one of my standard questions: "Tell me a bit about your life......". Jane is a senior PA, who enjoys her work and being part of a team. Jane has attempted to gain qualifications over the years, but each time she has left the course just before the final assessment. Each time she had a "valid" reason for doing so. As she reached the end of her story she exclaimed "Look at my life! I've never finished anything I've started. I put up barriers and use them as excuses." Jane suddenly realised that she was afraid of failing.

We decided to spend some time exploring this revelation: Jane had had a successful career to date, but she did not share this view. Despite evidence to the contrary, she had little confidence in her skills and abilities. She believed she would fail as she was "not good enough" and did not want this confirmed at the end of a course.

As I ask all my clients to undertaken some work in between sessions, I suggested that Jane updated her CV. We looked at her draft at the start of the next session. Jane had written her personal profile, but had felt unable to continue. She did not believe what she was writing about herself. We spent the next half an hour on a simple exercise: Jane was to give me five examples for each attribute in her personal profile. Jane quickly got into the flow of this activity and she surprised herself with the calibre of her answers. This was the first step to increasing Jane's self-belief.

We spent the next half of the session preparing for a "return to work" interview she had the following week. The meeting was with her team supervisor - X. In the past they had had a difficult relationship, and this worried Jane as she felt it would have an impact on the outcome of the meeting. We explored the relationship from all perspectives and looked at a range of options that Jane could deploy during the meeting.

At our third session, Jane walked through the door looking vibrant and confident. Her meeting with X had gone well, and she had started to approach her life with a different attitude. At Jane's suggestion, we used this session to explore her "dream job" and Jane made plans to start on a new journey to fulfil her dreams.

Often when I meet a client, the coaching agenda is to resolve a current issue. But often this leads to greater and more fulfilling outcomes, for both the coachee and for me the coach. And Jane's story above shows how easily this happens. And it is for this reason that I enjoy coaching.

Rise to the Challenge

One of the fundamental aspects of coaching is working with clients to push through their comfort zones and persue a new direction. It's inspiring as a coach when I observe a client rising to that challenge,achieving new heights and maximising their potential.

But how and when do we get stuck in that comfort zone, or "easy arm chair" syndrome? I observe my children (I have two under 5 years old) and they are constantly pushing the boundaries: there is no comfort zone - for either party! As a parent I need lots of energy to keep my children with these undefined, parent-imposed boundaries. But that's OK, as I believe that children need to push boundaries to learn the rules and define their schemas.

So when do we stop pushing boundaries? As an adult it's all to easy to one day wake up and realise that we have slipped into that "easy arm chair. And it's difficult to get out again. Is it that, unlike a child with boundless energy, as adults we are investing all our energies into just surviving - paying the bills, looking after our loved ones (our elders as well as our children)?

Or is it that as an adult we limit the number of boundaries we're trying to push through? Or is that the definition changes? When we learn a new skill, visit a new country, do something different, are we pushing our boundaries - but as an adult, we just call it something else? We see these new opportunities as exciting adventures. And we challenge ourselves, we find the energy to push out of our comfort zone and we readily take on the challenge. When you really set your mind to do something new and exciting, there's a desire to achieve this, the effort involved is worth it.

Sometimes the challenges are huge. My hairdresser is about to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. And sometimes they can appear quite trivial: a friend has recently decided to live life without her nail extensions ....and I quote...."just to see what it's like". Both are going outside their comfort zones and I admire them both for different reasons.

Most of my clients turn to coaching when they feel, in part, that something's missing and are seeking fulfilment. In our work together, we consider which boundaries they now wish to push: they may be facing a dilema in their life that their schema cannot provide an answer for, or the easy life in that arm-chair just isn't interesting enough any more. I feel that it's a privilige to work with my clients who who patience, determination and a strong desire go on to achieve something more with their lives.

So, I turn to ask you - when did you last break out of your comfort zone? If you can't remember - get out of your easy arm-chair. Rise to a new challenge. Make yourself proud.

When did you last use your EQ?

I've become fascinated by Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It's such a simple concept: recognising one's own or other's emotions, considering what are the factors behind those emotions and using that information to determine future actions. However, if it's that simple, why don't we use our EQ more frequently?

I've spent the last year weaving the principles of EQ into my work, either in my coaching practice or as part of training programmes I deliver. And I find in most cases, it's a topic that is easy for clients to think about. What fascinates me most is that although we all know what emotions are, we don't recognise the power of understanding our emotions - and the subsequent impact on how we make decisions and what actions we take.

Stop for a second to think about your emotions: most people can readily identify their feelings. That is the easy first step. But then what happens next? Nothing. Most people don't consider this piece of information and apply it. If we did the potential for better relationships could be enormous. And when relationships are working well, we can achieve more both on a personal and professional level.

What does this mean in practice? You're a manager entering an appraisal; your employee appears to be nervous and anxious. Great - you recognise the emotions that your employee is feeling. But what do you do in response? In reality, the answer is usually nothing.

As the manager, you are probably feeling bored by the tick-box process that appraisals can sometimes become. So you go through the motions, and the result is a time-wasting exercise to meet the Training Department's requirements. You feel relieved it's all over and your employee leaves feeling less afraid, but certainly not engaged or inspired.

And that's exactly what appraisals are not about. Appraisals are about motivating employees, setting challenging goals, and looking at stimulating developmental opportunities. If done correctly, appraisals can increase staff satisfaction and productivity. In this instance, the exact opposite has occurred.

If you had considered your feelings, you might have spent time thinking about how you are likely to come across to your employee during the appraisal meeting. As a result, you may have spent time planning on how to phrase key points different - particularly how you might give feedback. Changing how and what you communicate is a result of using your EQ.

You walk into the appraisal, and you note the feelings of your employee. Knowing that you had prepared appropriately for the meeting, you would be able to make your employee feel at ease from the start of the meeting; as the meeting continues you would notice your employee beginning to show that they feel valued and excited about the coming 12 months. You, in turn, will feel that you have invested 90 minutes of your time and also would be feeling more motivated as result. (Appraisals aren't just about motivating employees)

So, the next time you have to face a difficult or challenging situation, take 5 minutes out. Think about how you're feeling, both emotionally and physically. Think about what you're going to do differently and consider the difference in potential outcomes.

Emotional Intelligence isn't hard. It's just about being more self-aware and aware of others emotions and giving yourself time to think about it. Give it a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.