The Joy of Coaching Part 1

I was drawn to coaching as I knew that I would get great joy from working with individuals to become more empowered, or find greater fulfilment, or wherever their journey would take us. This is the first of a series of articles that I have called "The Joy of Coaching" where I share some of my the amazing coaching experiences.

Let me tell you about a recent client and their coaching journey........

Jane first came to me when her son was six months old. She was due to return to work in a few months time and wanted to talk about managing her work-life balance.

In the first session with my client, I asked one of my standard questions: "Tell me a bit about your life......". Jane is a senior PA, who enjoys her work and being part of a team. Jane has attempted to gain qualifications over the years, but each time she has left the course just before the final assessment. Each time she had a "valid" reason for doing so. As she reached the end of her story she exclaimed "Look at my life! I've never finished anything I've started. I put up barriers and use them as excuses." Jane suddenly realised that she was afraid of failing.

We decided to spend some time exploring this revelation: Jane had had a successful career to date, but she did not share this view. Despite evidence to the contrary, she had little confidence in her skills and abilities. She believed she would fail as she was "not good enough" and did not want this confirmed at the end of a course.

As I ask all my clients to undertaken some work in between sessions, I suggested that Jane updated her CV. We looked at her draft at the start of the next session. Jane had written her personal profile, but had felt unable to continue. She did not believe what she was writing about herself. We spent the next half an hour on a simple exercise: Jane was to give me five examples for each attribute in her personal profile. Jane quickly got into the flow of this activity and she surprised herself with the calibre of her answers. This was the first step to increasing Jane's self-belief.

We spent the next half of the session preparing for a "return to work" interview she had the following week. The meeting was with her team supervisor - X. In the past they had had a difficult relationship, and this worried Jane as she felt it would have an impact on the outcome of the meeting. We explored the relationship from all perspectives and looked at a range of options that Jane could deploy during the meeting.

At our third session, Jane walked through the door looking vibrant and confident. Her meeting with X had gone well, and she had started to approach her life with a different attitude. At Jane's suggestion, we used this session to explore her "dream job" and Jane made plans to start on a new journey to fulfil her dreams.

Often when I meet a client, the coaching agenda is to resolve a current issue. But often this leads to greater and more fulfilling outcomes, for both the coachee and for me the coach. And Jane's story above shows how easily this happens. And it is for this reason that I enjoy coaching.

Rise to the Challenge

One of the fundamental aspects of coaching is working with clients to push through their comfort zones and persue a new direction. It's inspiring as a coach when I observe a client rising to that challenge,achieving new heights and maximising their potential.

But how and when do we get stuck in that comfort zone, or "easy arm chair" syndrome? I observe my children (I have two under 5 years old) and they are constantly pushing the boundaries: there is no comfort zone - for either party! As a parent I need lots of energy to keep my children with these undefined, parent-imposed boundaries. But that's OK, as I believe that children need to push boundaries to learn the rules and define their schemas.

So when do we stop pushing boundaries? As an adult it's all to easy to one day wake up and realise that we have slipped into that "easy arm chair. And it's difficult to get out again. Is it that, unlike a child with boundless energy, as adults we are investing all our energies into just surviving - paying the bills, looking after our loved ones (our elders as well as our children)?

Or is it that as an adult we limit the number of boundaries we're trying to push through? Or is that the definition changes? When we learn a new skill, visit a new country, do something different, are we pushing our boundaries - but as an adult, we just call it something else? We see these new opportunities as exciting adventures. And we challenge ourselves, we find the energy to push out of our comfort zone and we readily take on the challenge. When you really set your mind to do something new and exciting, there's a desire to achieve this, the effort involved is worth it.

Sometimes the challenges are huge. My hairdresser is about to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. And sometimes they can appear quite trivial: a friend has recently decided to live life without her nail extensions ....and I quote...."just to see what it's like". Both are going outside their comfort zones and I admire them both for different reasons.

Most of my clients turn to coaching when they feel, in part, that something's missing and are seeking fulfilment. In our work together, we consider which boundaries they now wish to push: they may be facing a dilema in their life that their schema cannot provide an answer for, or the easy life in that arm-chair just isn't interesting enough any more. I feel that it's a privilige to work with my clients who who patience, determination and a strong desire go on to achieve something more with their lives.

So, I turn to ask you - when did you last break out of your comfort zone? If you can't remember - get out of your easy arm-chair. Rise to a new challenge. Make yourself proud.