How to make a successful New Year's Resolution

It's that time of year when we start to think about making New Year's Resolutions. I can almost hear you groan...."What's the point? New Year's Resolutions are almost always broken before we reach the end of January." But before we start, I just want to say that for the last five years, I have successfully kept my New Year's Resolutions. I'll share the secret of my success with you shortly.

Most of the articles you read about New Year's Resolutions encourage the reader to make their resolutions as robust as a "SMART" objective. These articles encourage you to have a date by when you'll have achieved your goal, be clear in what you want to achieve etc. For example, the Efficiency Coach recently wrote the following:

"Did you know that only about 3% of adults have clear, written goals?

These people accomplish five to ten times as much as people of equal ability and standing, but who, have never taken the time to write out exactly what they want to achieve.... "

So, we're all encouraged to write SMART resolutions, but most of us, apparently, seem unable to do so.

And then, most articles fail to discuss or give us advice on how to overcome barriers and challenges. There's nothing more depressing that failing to keep your New Year's Resolution within the first few weeks of the New Year. As soon as you break it, or have a minor blip, your confidence drops; you doubt your ability to sustain the energy required to make your resolution successful. And so, most people give up.

Not me: I break all the rules when making my New Year's Resolutions. My resolution for the last five years have been "To become a better cook". There's nothing specific about this resolution: cooking requires a massive range of skills from baking, to slow cooking. This resolution does not define or restrict me in any way. I don't have to work at it every day - or even every week. Some weeks when work is really busy, I don't have time to indulge myself in my hobby. There's no timescale: so as long as I judge myself to be a better cook than 364 days ago, then my resolution has been successful.

So my advice is as follows:
1. Do something that will involve gradual improvement over the year.
2. Keep it vague.
3. Don't commit yourself in terms of time.

In case you're interested, I've decided to have a different New Year's Resolution this year: To consider living abroad.

Let me know what New Year's Resolutions you've made this year.

When it's difficult to find the right words

Last week a close family friend, Adelaide, died. My daughter was named after her. This blog is about how I supported Adelaide's daughter to find the right words to say at her funeral this week.

My husband recieved a call: "Tell me what I should say about Adelaide". He replied along the lines of "I'll have to think about it - I'll speak to Karen and we'll call you back". I responded by saything that I'd visit her at the weekend, kids in tow: they always bring light to a sad situation.

And on Sunday afternoon, Adelaide's daughter and I got onto the conversation of what she should say at the funeral. I could think of a thousand wonderful sentiments, but from my perspective, it was important that Adelaide's daughter came up with the right words and wonderful memories that should be shared with family and friends. Adelaide's daughter was so struck with grief that she found it too hard to do this by herself.

I felt that this was an area where my coaching skills would be of benefit. I thought of a number of key questions, which I worked through with Adelaide's daughter:
"What brought a twinkle to her eyes?"
"What was it that was special about Adelaide that made your dad want to make her his wife?"
"What did you mum give you when you needed it most?"
"What did all the staff in her care home say about her when they were consoling you?"

Each question lead to another one, and within 30 minutes we had a reasonable list of interests, personal qualtities and reasons why we will miss her. It sounds easy when I put it down in writing. But it was important that we approached this with the right sentiment: we ended the conversation celebrating a life as we moved our emotions from grief to temporary happiness.

Adelaide's daughter thanked me as I left. I only contributed one memory to the list: she was an avid ballroom dancer in her youth: she would have beaten off all the competition in Strictly!

So, my thoughts this week are for a life that has passed: Although I have only known Adelaide for 9 years, I will miss her and her sense of humour. I will miss our chats whilst we waited for everybody else to arrive at the dinner table. I will miss the fact that my children will never know her. This blog is for you, Adelaide.